crushes

so cruuuuuushes


wow


so far in my life, I've had a loooot of crushes.


no one has liked me back so that's not upsetting.


my first crush I didn't realize was a crush was a girl in kindergarten. I'll call her Ari. I thought I just wanted to be friends with her. Howeeeeveeer.... when I realized I was bi and looked back on kindergarten, I remember that the reason I approached her was cuz she was cute af. She ended up being a little psycho and got kicked out of school...


My next crush was a dude, I'll call him Dan. He also ended up being a little psycho. He flipped a desk on our teacher and threw a book at the principal...


Next up was a girl, Bea, who I also didn't realize I had a crush on until later. I had a crush on her along with other guys at the time, because I didn't think liking people of your own gender was even a thing. I accepted that I liked her a few years later, so I'll talk about her in a sec.


I liked this jerkbag guy who I'll call Mark. He was always really nice to me and in gym, we were required to choreograph a tumbling dance with a partner, and he chose me. No one before had chosen me. So I fell in looove.


I liked another jerkbag guy I'll call Eric. Eric was a good looking dude, sporty, all girls loved him, and his mom ran an ice cream shop. Basically your stereotypical movie jock, but in fourth grade. I knew he didn't like me, so told a big lie to my friends and said we were dating for a while, then he didn't show up to a movie date, and so I left him. In reality, I just stopped liking him. We never dated.


One half decent dude I liked was someone I'll call Link. Link was a huge videogame nerd, but he was stupid. He said that North America was on Antarctica. I mean, even I'm smarter that that, and I'm not all that smart (by that I mean really dumb.)


I also liked this guy Greg. I had a crush on him for a while and I gave him some candy. In fifth grade, I told my friends, and there was the "oohhh she got a cruuuush" thing. Later that day, we had "board time." Basically, we played with our whiteboards and dry erase markers. I sat in Greg's "pod," as it was called, and we'd show each other our drawings. One friend who sat behind him told him, "Someone in your pod liiiiikes you!"


"Kat?" He asked. There were only three other people in his pod. Me, Kat, and Tim.


"No." She responded. He realized what that meant and turned around, looking embarrassed.


I panicked. I could play this one of two ways:
1. Tell him Tim was gay.
2. Admit the truth


Before I could think, he wrote a really friendly "Hi!" on his whiteboard, with drawings around it. I thought that maybe, just maybe, there was an itty-bitty chance, that he sort of liked me. After that, he showed a few... not normal signs.
He bit his lip when he talked to me. In class, he'd look at me, and when I looked at him, he looked down. All that stuff. But I thought I was just over analyzing it and he hated me anyways.


After him, I liked Andy. Andy liked to draw, just like I did, and he was smart and funny. We're still kinda friends.


So about Bea...


Oh jeez.


She was hot AF, popular, funny, all that jazz. But she was straight. I still liked her, but one day...


ONE DAAAY


It was this summer camp place that I went to. She was there too, and I had to leave for one day to get my braces off.


The next day, a friend comes up to me and tell me that Bea was gossiping about me to other people, since I walk funny (I have scoliosis).


As if I ASKED for that crap.


I expected it from other people, because people don't typically like me, but not Bea. I served as her therapist when she felt suicidal (she had problems at home), and was always positive towards her.


After a little while of crying, I got over my sorry ass and stopped liking her.


So those were my crushes... have a great day!

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