When he woke up, he didn't know if it was a day or a night. It didn't matter though. All he felt was overwhelming pain all over his body, like a thousands of tiny needles stabbed through his guts. He didn't know what happened. He didn't know where he was. His vision was blurry. His breath ragged as his throat burned. He didn't even try to stand up.

"Okita, you're awake," he heard somebody's voice. He tried to look at the person who spoke, but it was too much. "Don't move. Drink this," he gulped the liquid. It tasted horrible. He finally recognized the person who spoke to him. It was doctor Matsumoto.

With a sharp pain everything came back to him.

Dead bodies. ______. His bloodlust. ______. She stopped him from going berserk. Then... Then he saw that brat, Kaoru. The boy stood in the front of the shooters. He smirked and at the same moment ______ eyes widen in shock. He didn't have time, the shooters aimed at them and all he could do was to catch her and shield her with his body. Kaoru said something to him. What was it?

"If you're dead, how much she would be hurting? I wonder."

"You little...!" Okita shouted back. "I'm gonna kill you!"

They fell on a street. She started to apologize for ruining the haori. And she said something else, but he didn't hear anymore. He blacked out.

"______..." he croaked. "Wh-where is she?"

"Who?" the doctor blinked.

"______. S-she was there... with me."

Okita focused his gaze on the man. He looked surprised.

"Souji," new voice joined. "We found you bleeding on the streets over two weeks ago. Alone."

Hijikata, he thought. Okita tried to speak more but he started cough. Pain shook his whole body.

"She was there..." it was his last words before he blacked out.

***

"She's awake!" you heard voices as soon as you opened your eyes. The light blinded you and you had to close them once again. You felt somebody putting a hand on your forehead.

"______-hime, can you hear me?" somebody said. You opened your eyes once again. A woman knelt beside you. You blinked few times. " ______-hime?"

You recognized your own name and nodded. The woman visibly relaxed and smiled. Who was she? You weren't titled '-hime' in such a long time.

"Thank gods," she said. " ______-hime, you probably wonder where you are. You're back home."

You wanted to say no, you weren't. You wanted to tell her that your home burned. That you didn't have a home anymore. All you could do was frown. Your throat felt dry and you couldn't say word.

"Do you remember me? I'm Kino," you had vague feeling that you knew that name and that face. Yet you couldn't recall anything. "I was your babysitter. Here, drink this."

You blinked. Somehow everything started to make sense. You remembered now. Kino, she took care of you when you were little girl. But what was she doing here? Where was 'here'? She said, you were home. Did it mean you were... in Fujinomiya?

You tried to stand up. You felt pang of pain in your side and the room started to spin. You groaned and fell on the futon with Kino's help.

"Please, don't overdo," she said. She wiped your forehead with wet cloth. Events from that night played back in your head. Tears pricked in the corners of your eyes. You lost your home. Now it was probably burned to ashes. You stopped Okita, but what happened to him now? Was he alive? He was the Fury, he could heal faster, but was he able to save himself? You hoped from the bottom of your heart he was alright. "Oh, dear. You're so happy that you cry?"

She couldn't be further from the truth.

Soon you fell asleep. You woke up like this few times before you could keep consciousness for much longer than a few minutes. You usually saw Kino or the other servants near you. For a first two weeks every move caused pain. After some time you could eat and drink on your own, but you still were bedridden.

You felt like a lifeless shell and people around you noticed this too. You didn't talk too much, you didn't eat much, all you did was to stare at the courtyard. You were back in the place you wanted to run away from. They told you, that they found you bleeding in front of the gates in the middle of the night. You were sure it was Kaoru's doing. It was just question of time, when he would show up again. Your father ordered to bring you in and called a doctor. Yet, your father didn't visit you even once since you were awake. You weren't even sure you wanted to see him anyway.

All you wanted to do now was get away from here. The atmosphere was suffocating. You felt gazes of servants on your back. You knew that everybody wanted to know where you were for the last seven years. For most of them, you came back to life. Kino often asked you about those years. You didn't answer. You weren't sure you could answer without mentioning Okita and breaking down while speaking. He was vital part of your life in Kyoto. As well as Shimazu family and especially Kimiko. You knew they wouldn't understand. In this household there wasn't simple being who would understand.

.
.
.

You clothed yourself with a help from Kino. By now you were able to walk freely. You noticed one detail you overlooked earlier.

"Kino..." you addressed older woman. "Where is my haori?"

"Huh? What haori, sweetie?"

"One I was wearing, with sakura flowers," you looked at her. Panicked, you searched around the room.

"Oh, we threw it away!" she laughed. "It was all bloody and teared."

"What...?"you asked. Your voice breaking. "Bring it back!"

"What are you talking about? It's-"

"I need it. Bring it back!" you shouted.

The woman stood up from the floor and hurried outside the room. You waited. You couldn't let go of that haori. You cherished this so much, it meant so much. It was present from Okita. You would never forgive yourself if you lost it. You didn't care if it was dirty or teared to shreds. You wanted it back.

Kino came back late in the afternoon. She held the haori before you. Ignoring pang of pain in your side you reached for the material and hugged it close. The woman looked at you worriedly.

" ______-hime..."

"Thank you."

"It must mean a lot to you."

"It does..." you looked at her with a weak smile. Thoughts of Okita intensified even more now. "He's a jerk. Big meanie. Without any guilt he eats sweets from my bakery and never pays for it. He makes rude comments or not really funny remarks. He teases way too much, just for his own amusement. He can easily kill and makes it clear. He is liar. But... he always comes to my rescue and helps me, even if it's a sack of flour, though he is no hero. He's fiercely loyal to Shinsengumi... to Kondo-san...," you didn't know why you started to speak. And about Okita of all things you could talk about.

"And... he always knows how to cheer me up or to comfort me. He makes me feel better. Though he says lots of things, half of them are the opposite. But when he says something that he means, it always makes my heart flutter," you looked at the haori.
You wanted just to tell somebody what you felt. You wanted to tell somebody things that you bottled inside. For such a long time you hid those feelings inside.

"But now... now I don't even know where he is... if he is alive or... I just want to be near him, yell at him for what fool he is for taking those bullets. And then perhaps hug him tight and just thank him..."

For a while the room was left in silence. Finally Kino moved to you and hugged you close. You let her warmth envelope your body. Once again you were little girl. Little girl that felt unwanted, hated, alone. Little girl that lost her mother. Little girl who didn't know what to do anymore. Little girl who wanted to feel loved. Little girl, who run away. Little girl who wanted to feel home and secure.

Your silent musing let you come to a surprising realization. You truly were a child, just a little girl. Recalling the night when you met Okita on a pile of bodies, you understood how blind you were. You always ran away. Since you were a child you ran away from your responsibilities, all you cared about was to have a little bit fun in the upper class world. You peeped at training boys and learned from them, not for greater cause, no – to turn away from things that hurt you.

Then you ran away from home and moved to Kyoto. One would think, you would learn, but no. You still were blind. You lived in your little fantasy of making sweets and having normal life. Okita was right when he called you delusional. You truly were, as you started to perceive him as some kind of hero. It didn't matter, that the night you met, he killed a man. No, you persistently believed in him being a hero for next years. Because all he ever did was to help you. His threats were an empty words, so you turned your eyes away from the fact he was a person who killed many and would kill more.

That night, your little fantasy broke, like a shattered mirror. He was not a hero, but he wasn't a simple murderer either. He was a complicated man, whom you had to truly know yet. But what if you lost your chance already?

***

The day you dreaded was the same one, as when doctor Matsumoto came to see your wounds. He was friends with your father's medic. You overheard their conversation about Yukimura Kado, whom they were acquainted with. They said he was nowhere to be found. You knew you heard that name before. Wasn't it a man the Shinsengumi looked for? It was.

You were once again told how lucky you were that the bulled missed your internal organs. The doctor looked at you protractedly when you were again dressed up.

"You said you were shot?"

"Yes."

"If I may, when did it happened?"

Dr. Matsumoto looked at you scratching his chin. You didn't know what was he so suspicious about. You frowned a little.

"______-hime, may I come in?" Kino asked through the shoji doors. You granted her permission successfully distracting the doctor from further questioning. "The bath is ready!" Kino walked into the room. You let her lead you into to the tub. You still weren't used to the woman washing you. You grew accustomed to do it yourself.

After the bath, you learned that the doctor would stay overnight. Not that it made a difference to you anyway. You brushed your hair wondering what to do. You didn't want to stay here. Even if you were hospitalized now, you couldn't move much around the house. You felt like you were locked here, just in case you'd want to run away. No, you weren't trying to run away again. Life in this place ended for you seven years ago, it was closed chapter that wouldn't be reopened again. You were not a lady anymore, you once left this life and you weren't coming back.You wanted to find out about Okita. You felt awful and the conversation with your father was yet to come.

"It's good to see safe and sound!" you hear cheerful voice. Without turning around you continued brushing your hair. Your hand tightened on the hairbrush.

"Kaoru," you acknowledged the boy.

"You're finally home, aren't you happy?" he asked sitting before you. You glared at him, anger boiling inside. He just smiled coldly.

"You brought me here, why?"

"It brings back memories, doesn't it, ______?" he ignored your question. "We used to play here. Do you remember? You were so nice to me back then."

"It was long time ago, Kaoru. Before you did all of this awful things," you bit your bottom lip.

"You're the most awful one here! You left me!" he exploded. Anger flashed in his eyes. You flinched. "You have no idea how I suffered all those years! All because I wasn't my sister! You were only one who was kind to me and you left me!"

"I didn't want it to end like this!" you said. "There wasn't anything I could do! Why can't you understand!? Why are you so angry at me? I can't do anything for you!"

"You don't understand!"

Kaoru stood up and stepped towards you. You moved backwards till you hit the wall. Your blood ran cold when you looked into his eyes. He jumped and jerked your chin upwards. He pulled out a flask. You tried to wriggle away.

"My family hated me. Everybody hated me. What they did to me was nothing compared how much you hurt me. Now you'll see my pain, ______."

The demon boy made you drink the contents of the flask. You knew what it was. The Water of life. You choked and coughed.

You lied on the floor and saw Kaoru leaving with a flutter of his cape. You saw Kino and dr. Matsumoto barging into the room. They must've heard the noise. Dr. Matsumoto took an empty flask in his hand and looked at you horrified.

"Did you...? Did you drink it?"

You nodded and let him lift you from the floor. You drank the Water of life. The realization hit you hard. You were going to became the Fury.

"Dr. Matsumoto, what do I do now?"

~~***~~

History time!
Reader is called with suffix '-hime' as she is a daughter of samurai family, and would be a wife of samurai [titled gozen] if she didn't rebel. As far as I researched, it's used for noble ladies, as samurais are in the noble class. Well if she marries Okita, then she would be anyway, since he is from samurai family as well, but that's another thing : >

You have no idea how long it took me to figure if the honorific should be 'hime' or 'gimi'. Though it was fun, researching things!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!