It was a morning after annual festival in Kyoto. You walked along the stalls with a small smile on your face. You worked at the Shimazu's restaurant for a full month now. The family didn't ask you questions about your past and you were thankful for that. Though you were sure they labeled you as a tomboy and a rebel. You could live with that, though. You haven't told them yet that you wanted to somehow start running a business on your own. But you didn't have right to do so as a woman. Then they would see you as some kind of deviant for sure.

"You seek for attention, don't you?" you turned around to the source of the voice.

"Excuse me?" you twitched. The green eyes held amusement. You huffed. "Okita-san. Again. Why would I?"

He shrugged and sent you nasty smirk. You heard a horse's neigh and turned to the source of the sound.

"Yes, I am sure I haven't seen that girl!" the shopkeeper was nearly shouting at two men. They glared at him and tugged on horse rains. They looked like they were travelling from afar. Cold sweat run down your spine. One of them turned around so you could see his face. You recognized him as one of your father's henchmen. They were here for you.

You turned around and collided with Okita. He blinked at your fearful expression. You grabbed his hand and pulled him after you.

"I need to get out of here," you said in nervous whisper.

"Wait, what?" you didn't wait for his reply as you squeezed through the crowd to the nearest alley. You accidentally pushed some ceramics from the stall. The owner yelled and started to make a scene. This time it was Okita, who took the initiative and jerked your arm. You looked behind you, only to see two henchmen walking in to your direction. You two ran into one of the alleys with two man on your tail.

"You two, stop!" one of them shouted. Okita headed further of the main road and into a labyrinth of streets. You were surprised to see the dead end.

"Oops," Okita said not even slightly apologetic. "We're lost."

"I thought you knew where we were going!"

"What? I'm not from Kyoto," he replied and turned to face your foes. They arrived soon enough.

Recognition lit their tired from travel faces. You tried to make yourself smaller than you were, but to no avail.

"_____-hime, we've got orders from your father, to take you home," one of them addressed you. Okita looked at you suspiciously. "Or to kill you for disobedience .

"Never," you said. You tried to look calm and collected. "I'm not coming back!"

"So be it," the henchmen drew his sword. The other did the same.

"Move out of the way, boy," he said. Okita grinned and unsheathed his katana.

"No way~," he replied and blocked the attack. Within a matter of seconds henchmen were down on the ground. They groaned clutching their injuries. Okita stood before them with a bored look. "That's it? But I think I can't let you go."

He glanced at you. Breaking from the shock you gulped. You weren't sure what to do. You didn't want to cause deaths, your stomach already made a flip at that thought. It wasn't like you've never seen dead body. But to cause somebody's death was whole different matter. Then again, they would come back to your father and tell him where you were.

When you were thinking one of them stood up and once again tried to attack Okita. He was quickly defeated and squirmed in pool of his own blood. You saw his last breath. The same fate met the second henchmen.

The smell of blood reached your nostrils and you had to force yourself to not vomit. You stood paralyzed and didn't hear Okita's voice. Finally he shook you and led you out of the alley. You tugged along not sure where you were going. You stopped in another empty alley as he faced you.

"What was it all about?" Okita said in displeased voice. "So in the end you are some bratty princess who run away from home?" you looked into his eyes, and amusement you saw earlier vanished. His words angered you. But it seemed he would not stop now. "What, did poetry got boring so you decided to look how peasants live?"

He sneered at you. You clenched your fists. He was opening his mouth to say more.

"Or maybe silks were too much to bear?"

"I will not be a cattle!" you raged. "You do not know how it is! You are a man after all!"

"So what? You're really some bratty-"

"In my father's eyes I'm just a cow, decked to be sold," you interrupted. "Smile, bow, make a tea. Smile, bow, bring him food. Smile, bow, giggle at your future husbands unfunny jokes."

You started to rant. Okita kept silent. In your whole life there hasn't been a single person who would hear you out. You didn't know why, but you poured your whole hear out.

"In the end of the day you're just a cow to be sold, and your own father is the seller. Why? Just because you are not a boy! Because your mother was from low class and couldn't give long awaited male heir. You are made to be praised, yet all you see is hate. Maids, servants, henchmen, samurais. They all put on a smile, but you could feel their hateful, yet lustful gazes."

You clenched your fists harder. Nails dug into your hands. You couldn't bear his gaze.

"You think I have everything served on a golden plate. But in reality that gold is just a paint covering dirty, rotting wood. And then you learn how to be a lady. How to smile, how to be polite. How to be perfect slave for your future husband....," you paused." Perhaps I'm my mother's daughter, I refuse to be a slave and I want follow her advice."

"What was her advice?" he asked.

"To live a life worth living, live a life to its fullest, so in the end I won't regret it. She told me that on her deathbed six years ago," you smiled bitterly. "And for me life worth living is not the one of the cattle. So I ran away. Away from my father, from hateful court. And all I want to do now is to live."

For a while none of you made any sound.

"No all what glitters is gold," Okita hummed. You looked at him. He still pondered at your words. You didn't expect him to understand your feelings. You snorted at yourself mentally. Of course, you came out as some bratty princess. You didn't notice him passing you by. "Are you coming? Or I guess you like empty alleys that much."

"Huh?" you blinked. He just glanced back at you and repeated his question. "Y-yeah."

You walked alongside with him in silence. It was rather awkard walk. You decided to ask him about the earlier fight.

"You defeated those two in a matter of seconds," you started. "Yet you had hard time with that man almost month ago, how come?"

He sent you nasty grin that made you squirm.

"I just wanted to see what will he do to you. He kept glancing at you. I thought it'll be interesting."

"Whaa-!? So it's your fault he took me as a hostage! He could've killed me!" you twitched. He shrugged with a laugh. "You're unbelievable!"

"And you're crazy," he concluded. "Did you really believe that I would be defeated? I'm a sword master."

"Impossible. You can't be much older than me," you sent him skeptical look.

"Pfft. Kondou-san taught me at his dojo. I almost mastered all techniques at Tennen Rishin-ryu school."

"Yeah, sure," you rolled your eyes. "Who's Kondou-san?"

"The person I owe everything. I raise my sword in his name," he smiled. For the first time you saw him smiling genuinely. You had to admit, this smile was far much better than his usual smiles. "He took me in, when my sister left me."

"He must be very kind person then," you said and smiled at him.

"He is!"

You walked in content silence back to the main road. You felt as if some weight was lifted from your shoulders. Somebody finally listened to you. You couldn't tell your secret to Shimazu family, no matter how welcoming they were. you were sure they would send you back home. You were surprised that Okita didn't make any nasty or rude remarks about your story. He seemed to just that kind of person. 

But you learned something today. You, who always were misjudged and thrived for understanding, made the same mistake. You thought of Okita as of mean, presumably heartless person, when in fact he turned to be a person you could pour your heart out. It seemed that you and him were judgmental type of people, but perhaps both of you made an effort to understand.

"Hey," he said when you were on the main road again. "I'm leaving for Edo tomorrow."

"Oh, I see," you said, little disappointed.

"Don't get in trouble too much!" he grinned. You blushed and hid behind kimono sleeve.

"Go away already!"

***

From that event passed three years. You finally had a bakery on your own, though it was more of an sweet shop, as Kimiko liked to point out. Sure, it was unusual for a woman to run a business but with help of Shimazu family you were able to pull it off. After a long persuading, head of the family agreed to establish the business under his name. You were overjoyed.

"Hello?" you were at the back of the shop when you heard male voice.

"Coming!" you called dusting off your hands. With a polite smile you moved out of curtains. You blinked seeing familiar green eyes. You tried to recall the name. It finally clicked."Okita-san?"

"Ho~ it's gonna be interesting," he grinned at you.

"I don't like your smile..."

.

.

.

You woke up with a pain in your left hand. You recalled your dream. Indeed, it was quite eventful. It was already seven years. And a four of having Okita as your customer.

You opened your eyes to the unfamiliar ceiling when somebody came to the room.

"Oh, you woke up," you heard a muffled voice. It was Chizuru. "How are you feeling?"

"Confused?" you offered. She laughed a little and sat beside your futon. She helped you to the sitting position. She said that you were sleeping for a day and now you were in her room. You nodded at her explanation. She gave you some medicine.You looked at your hand. It was tightly bandaged but you could move your fingers a little. Though it was quite painful.

You wondered what happened to Okita. He took the Water of life from Kaoru after all, though the details were still fuzzy. Wave of guilt shook your body. Kaoru was here for you, because of his fantasy that you two were meant together. He was such a sweet boy years ago. You didn't have any friends around your age back then. He was obviously younger than you, but he became brother you've never had. You knew he admired you and it felt nice back then.

But now you learned that you were betrayed b him three times. One, when he deceived you with that outfit. Second when he killed your best friend, Kimiko. And third, most painful one, that he pretended to be your friend. And in addition he made Okita drink the Water of life.

"Ah, I see you're awake," you heard another voice before you could ask. You blinked. Kondou stood at the doors smiling slightly. You nodded slowly. Great, you thought. It wasn't like you weren't happy to meet him again, but that meant now he knew you weren't a boy. "May I come in?"

"Y-yes, please..."

"Once again, I'm Kondou Isami, the commander of the Shinsengumi," he bowed to you.

You went all red. It was so embarrassing that he now knew all about your lies and yet was so nice.

"I'm ________ _____, " you sat on your knees and bowed deeply. You ignored pain and a headache. "I apologize for disturbance, trespassing and deceiving everybody. I didn't want to cause anyone problems."

You wanted to add 'please don't kill me' at the end but decided against it. It was already bad.

"I can't say it's acceptable," he spoke when you sat up. "but what's done it's done. As for now only Souji, Chizuru and me know about you here."

"And Wakahisa-san," you added. You looked away when you recalled the whole ordeal with him.

"Uhm, yes," Kondou nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright, all thanks to you," you said. You didn't want to worry them. You decided to ask about something that bugged you since you woke up. You took deep breath. "Uhm... How's Souji-san?"

For a moment nobody said anything. You felt tension in the room. You looked Kondou in the eyes. You pleaded him silently.

"I'm fine, stop worrying," you turned to the doors. Okita stood there with his lazy grin. Wave of relief flooded your body. He stood there, safe and sound. His smile shrunk as he shut the doors. "Now I think it's time for you to go."

He looked at you with serious gaze. You blinked.

"Huh?"

"You've caused enough problems and if you're good then go."

"W-wait, Souji-" Kondou began.

You stared at Okita. Something in his eyes made you uncomfortable.

"Why-?"

"Do you think the headquarters is your playground?" he asked you. You felt cold emmiting from him. His words hurt.

"You don't have to be so rude about it," you stood up meeting his gaze. You winced when you felt sharp pain in your hand. But, honestly, you had enough of it.

"You always meddle in other people's business-"

"If I hadn't meddle, you'd be dead for years by now!" you shouted. You couldn't belive you were so brave to actually shout at him.

"I'm pretty good at surviving if you haven't noticed yet. And don't pull that old case now."

"Are you joking? What was it yesterday?" you asked. His venomous tone made you even more angry. Now you remembered everything that happened when Kaoru came.

"I see you're in your delusions again,_____, " he sneered at you. "If you think I took the Water for you, then you are wrong."

You felt as if you were stabbed. You bit your lip.

"I took it for myself and myself only," he continued when you didn't answer. "So better give up on you fantasies."

It was the last straw. You slapped him across the face. You didn't notice shocked faces of Kondou and Chizuru who were listening to your clash in silence.

"Shut up!" you met his eyes. Your own burned with a passion. "I don't want to hear anything from you! Leave me alone! If you ever decide to stop being an asshole, then-!"

You stopped. Then what? Come and talk to you? You turned on your feet and grabbed your belongings. You fastened two swords on your hips and moved to the doors.

"Thank you for the hospitality, Kondou-san, Chizuru-chan," you made quick bow, not looking at Okita. You walked out of the room and shut the doors with loud slam. You almost ran through the corridor till you were outside. You knew that Chizuru went after you, but with last thanks, you dismissed her. With tears on your face you made your way to your home.

***

Back in the room two males were frozen in place. Kondou took a deep breath. He didn't have anything to say.

"Slapped twice in one day, huh...?" Okita said quietly. Kondou looked at him as he messaged his cheek.

"Was that necessarily?" Kondo asked warily. Expression of pain crossed Okita's face.

"It's better," he replied. He moved to the doors. "It's better if she doesn't know what I've became. She would blame herself to no end."

"Why did you take the Water of life?" Kondou asked. There was something else, hidden under the facade.

"I wonder...," he said and walked out of the room.