AMARUS POV

The worst day of my life had come. The day that would always be impaired in my mind and I couldn't wait for the day to be over.

I got out the bed and made my way to the adjoined bathroom in my apartment. I pulled out my hardened dick and peed. When I was done I flushed and walked to the sink, washing my hands and then grabbing my toothbrush.

As I grabbed my toothpaste, Áine's toothbrush fell. I cussed to myself as I picked it up. I hadn't spoken to her in days after out little confrontation or whatever you wanna call it.

I wasn't trying to come off rude or nonchalant but damn I'm a grown man and I wanted to settle down. To do things right this time if I ever got married and had children

I know I couldn't force her to like me back and I wasn't going to do that. Another thing I wasn't going to do is look for somebody who is going to be a quick fuck because I had plenty of those and I was done with that life.

I rinsed my mouth and put it back. I hopped into the shower and cleaned myself up. I had a long day ahead of me and I couldn't wait for it to be over.

I was finally going to visit my mom at her graveside as well as my ex wife and daughter. I hadn't been in a year.  This year was such a tough year for me. I couldn't walk half the year. Went through a depressive stage in my life where I wanted to kill myself, found people who wanted to take my money and not even help with my healing process.

I felt like shit that my wife and daughter died while I survived. It should've been me, that's all I tell myself. I should've been the one to die but I didn't. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful but damn, they lost their lives while I survived.

I hopped out the shower, wrapping my towel around my waist. I walked into my closet and rumpaged through my clothes. I grabbed my black joggers and matching black crew neck sweater.

I walked to my dresser and pulled my boxers and grabbed shea cocoa butter moisturizer on top of my dresser. I lathered my whole body and grabbed my cologne, spritzing on my chest, feeling the cold sensation.

When I was done, I dressed up and grabbed my phone off the nightstand and headed to the kitchen. I didn't bother grabbing anything to eat. I had no appetite either. I just wanted to get this day over and done with.

Locking up my apartment and headed to the elevator, my phone dinged in my pocket.

merry Christmas papa

I looked at the message from Áine and I felt my lips twitch a little bit. I know she feels something for me but is too scared to admit it because of her past relationship. And I don't blame her. She has every right to feel that way but I wanna be the right man for her.

I want to give her the world and everything in it. The others can fuck off.

merry Christmas babygirl❤

I texted back. The elevator dinged, indicating I had reached the basement. I headed to my car and got it. I waited for a few minutes for the car to warm up. As the car was warming up, I replied back to Áine's text.

yeah, I will be there

When I was done I placed my phone in the cup holder and drove out.

•°•°•

"You ready?". My father asked me as we; him, Noonie and I sat outside the cemetery where our mother was laid to rest.

I reluctantly nodded my head. I haven't been here since my incident which made it a year or two ago.

Noonie got out the car with the bouquet of flower. White lilies were her favourite. My dad would bring them for her whenever they had date nights

And even after they had separated, he would still bring her white lilies. I still think that they separated for the sake of peace but not because they wanted to.

Taking a deep breathe, I came face to face with my mother's headstone. Tears pooled in my eyes as I stared at it

Taurus Rouge
A loving mother, wife, girlfriend and sister

May the winds take you as high as the sky

Noonie grabbed the old lilies and replaced them with the new ones.

"Hi mama, I miss you so much". She said, a few tears cascading down her cheeks.

"Amaru got better, see?". She mentioned, slightly turning back to look at me. I sadly smiled. I wiped my tears and crouched down besides Noonie.

"Hi mama, it's been a while". I sniffed, tears rolling down my cheeks" but I'm here now. I almost lost my life but God said it wasn't my time yet so he sent my ass back". I chuckled.

"I miss you but I know wherever you are, you are at peace and you are happy.  Rest well my beautiful mama".

"We love you". Noonie and i said at the same time . I wiped my tears and helped Noonie up. We stood back as my father walked towards the headstone.

"Wassup big head". He chuckled, shaking his head. He knew she was probably fussing in her grave by him teasing her. She hated it when he called her that.

"Your big headed kids finally came to see you but you know it took some fighting ".

"Daddy why you lying?". Noonie questioned causing my dad to look back and wave her off.

"Girl get away from here. Give me some space ". He told her.

"Don't lie to her then".

"You see what you left me with? That's you to the T and I wouldn't trade her for the world. She reminds me of you everyday. You left me with a piece of you that I love and cherish. Thank you for that. Rest easy my love". He pecked his pointy and middle finger and then gently placing them on the headstone.

He turned around seeing us looking at him.

"What?"  He asked

"You still love her huh?". Noonie questioned.

"I never stopped loving your mother". He admitted to the my sister and I

"Then why did y'all break up?". I curiously questioned. I never understood why they broke up if they were so in love.

"Sometimes when you love someone, you gotta let them go when you can no longer be their source of happiness or safe space"

"That's sad". Noonie frowned.

"I know babygirl but that's how life goes ". Dad shrugged. We looked at the headstone before dad and Noonie headed to the car.

"I will catch up with y'all ". I said to them. They nodded their heads, knowing exactly what I was about to do

"You got this bro". Noonie gave me two thumbs up. Trust her to encourage me and I loved her for that.

I smiled and then turned in the opposite direction. I came across my ex wife and daughter's headstones. They were buried right besides each other. This was the first time I've been here. I couldn't make it to the funeral due to me being hospitalized

My daughter's headstone had her beautiful picture carved, showcasing her beautiful smile. She was only four years old. My beautiful Hazel.

Daia and Hazel

I placed the orchards on Daia's grave and roses for Hazel.

I stood back and examined the graves. I felt the tears cascading down my face. The sob that racked through my body was embarrassing.

I started getting flashbacks of the night before we crashed.

♤

"How could you Amaru? How could you do that to me? To us, your family?" Daia cried with tears down her cheeks.

"I will not do this with my daughter in car". Amaru lowly said, trying not to wake up a sleeping a Hazel at the back of the car.

"After everything I've done for you,  you treat me like this?"  She placed her hands over her face as she sobbed.

"Don't act like you ain't do the same shit Daia. It hurts when it's done back to you huh?". Amaru turned to Daia when they pulled up at a traffic light.

They were one of the two cars waiting to make a right turn into the other street.

"But I didn't do it!"

"Stop fucking lying, you were caught in the act. You tryna say I'm fucking stupid?!". Amaru ended up raising his voice out of frustration waking up his daughter. The traffic light had turned green but he hadn't made a move.

"Amaru please believe me !". Daia sobbed

"Daddy, what's wrong with mama". Hazel asked, her lips trembling too. She hated seeing her mothers crying. It caused her to cry too.

"Nothing baby, go to sleep okay?". He looked back at her through the rearview mirror.

"I hate you Amaru !".

"Now look what you fuc—". Amaru had ignored her and pressed the gas on the pedal, taking the turn when suddenly they heard a truck honk loudly.

"Shit!". Amaru tried steering the car out the way but the truck was speeding at a high speed which caused them to crash. The car rolled about six times and everything went blank.

"I'm so sorry Daia". I sobbed as i crouched down.

"Please forgive me". I asked. I felt that I couldn't move on with my life because I had hurt her. I wasn't the man for her but that didn't give me the right to treat her the way I did. I remorseful regret it.

The wind harshly blew, nipping at my skin causing a shiver to travel down my back. I sniffed and wiped my tears, standing on my feet.

I wiped off the dirt and placed my hands in my sweater and stared for a moment before I decided to head back to car.

I got in and said nothing and I'm glad my sister nor dad tried to make me speak because I wasn't in the mood.

"Can y'all drop me off at Áine's?". I lowly asked, feeling my throat all croaked up.

"Yeah". My dad agreed. I gave him her address and it wasn't too far from the cemetery. Just twenty minutes away. In no time, he pulled up and dropped me off.

I remembered to grab the flowers in the backseat along side her gift. I got on the elevator and headed up to her apartment. There was soft music coming from her apartment.

I knocked and waited for her to open. It took a couple of more knocks but she opened.

When she saw me, she was surprised as if we didn't agree we were going to get together.

"You here early". She said, opening the door wider for me

"I just needed to see you ". I told her. She closed the door and we stood staring at each other. She had a smile on her lips as she stared at the flowers in my hand.

"Are these mine?". She asked me. I smirked and held them out to her.

She took them out of my hands and placed them under her nose, inhaling.

"And these are my favorite. You remembered?". She looked surprised.

"I mean, I do listen when you speak".

"Not all the time but okay". She playfully rolled her eyes and I shrugged.

"Only to the important things".

"Thank you papa". She grinned, closing the gap between us. She wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hug. One I needed in this very moment.

I wrapped my arms around her back and placed my face in the crook of her neck. I slightly squeezed her, just enjoying the warmth and the sweet scent she had on her.

When we pulled away she looked at me with concerned eyes but still had a smile on her lips.

"Are you okay?". She asked me and I nodded my head. I didn't want to tell her yet about what went down.

"I will tell you all about it later". I told her causing her to nod her head.

"I got one more thing for you ". I told her making her furrow her brows in confusion

"What did you get me Amaru?". She asked with her brows still furrowed.

"Just look inside". I told her holding out the gift bag. She took it out my hand and pulled out the black square box.

"You not proposing, are you?"  She asked me, examining the box. It wasn't that small. It was quite big

"Nah but soon though ". I let slip out. She looked at me and shook her head. She examined it more before she opened.

"Wowwww...". She dragged out, "you got money!". She mentioned.

"This is beautiful ".

"Lemme put it on". I told her. I grabbed the  14k gold circle locket. I moved behind her and placed it around her neck before clasping the small hoops.

"I love it. Thank you". She told me

"But that's not the best part. Look inside". I told her. She followed my instructions and opened it

Inside was a picture of us on one of our dates. I had my arm wrapped around her shoulder with a huge grin on my face while she kissed my cheek.

"Amaru, no!"  She gasped, looking inside.

"What?"  I chuckle while looking at her get emotional

"This is beautiful. I love it". She told me wrapping her arms around my back.

"We have a matching locket" . I told her

"We do?"  She pulled away and looked up at me with her arms still wrapped around me

"Yeah and it has the date when we went out, so it makes it more significant".

"Wow... i-i don't know what to say".

"You ain't gotta say none. I'd do anything for you "

Should they get together now??