(SPECIAL CHAPTER 1) LISA: OFFBEAT

Author's Note:

Hello.  This is a special chapter which is not part of the main storyline. This is specially for the side characters. I will insert this in between arcs from now on. You can skip this, however, if you don't feel like reading since it won't affect the story.

Special chapters are shorter. Sorry for the note and thank you! Enjoy reading!

PS: If you'll listen to the song, put it in x1.25 :D


L I S A

"One, two, three— Lisa! You keep missing, you're not in rhythm, follow the steps!" the instructor yelled, making her almost tumble because of the booming voice inside the auditorium.

Lisa bowed to their instructor and to her crewmates, "I'm sorry," she apologized. They paused for a minute to settle down and breathe because of their vigorous routine.

Unconsciously, Lisa reached for her ankle and rotated it slowly because of the tension in her muscles. It is aching a little, she's afraid to get sprained so she needs to be more careful.

"Hey, it's fine," Bambam tapped her shoulder when he passed by her. She gave him a tight smile.

"From the top," their choreographer motioned for them to go back to their places. Everyone fussed over their spots.

She silently followed until the instructor called her attention, "Lisa, focus," the latter eyed her intently and added, "You have the solo and centers in the choreography. You cannot afford to miss."

"Yes, ma'am," Lisa answered firmly.

The dancers lined up as they set everything once again. Lisa stretches to point her toes and spreads her arms sophisticatedly. Her fingers delicately pointed in anticipation of the rhythm they were practicing.

And then, the melody started to echo in the room.

She closed her eyes and let herself get lost in the enchanting music, her mind drifting into old memories from the past.

"You're not as smart so you can at least learn how to be prim and proper, you know," the strict voice of her mother rang inside her head.

"Okay, mom," eleven-year-old Lisa mummed her lips and nodded at her. Then, the sound of their front door opening interrupted the lecture.

She looked up to her sister entering the door, her mother instantly welcoming her, "Oh, Liliene! How was the practice?"

"It's good, we had a short photoshoot for the pageant," her sister smiled at her mother and put down her things on the couch.

"I cooked your favorite food," their mother guided her to sit on the dining table.

Lisa stood by the door of their kitchen, watching her sister's back. They are only a few steps away from each other but somehow... she felt like they were miles apart.

♫ I'm tired of being what you want me to be ♪
♫ Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface ♪

She slid her feet upon the smooth surface of the stage. She raised her hand in the air as she bent her back. She moved on the dancefloor, every step careful, afraid of missing one detail.

"You're gonna try auditioning for the cheer dance, right?" Sixteen-year-old Lisa averted her eyes from the poster of the music club.

"It's okay if you won't get in, you can watch our practice," her friend said to her. She stared blankly at them, not knowing what she was supposed to answer.

Her other friend went near her, "Anyway, you have tickets for your sister's pageant?" she said while giving her an expecting look in the eye.

Lisa blinked a few times, "Huh? I don't know..." she knows she cannot ask her mother and not even her sister for a spare ticket. They're not close, far from it, actually, "It's not free," she added.

"That's why we're asking you," the other girl raised her brow at her and rolled her eyes, "Ugh, never mind. Whatever."

Her friends started walking away, she trailed behind them silently. Although they might not have noticed.

Of course, barely everyone ever notices.

"We shouldn't have befriended her if she's so useless," she heard one of them whisper.

♫ Don't know what you're expecting of me ♪
♫ Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes ♪

Lisa winced as she felt her ankle throbbing. Yet, she didn't stop dancing. She cannot stop dancing. Even if it's the last thing she'd do, she won't stop dancing.

Until her feet go sore and her limbs give up, she's gonna perform.

A present neatly wrapped in pastel, her sister's favorite color. Inside is the beaded barrette she saved money for. Her sister won another competition again. She cannot even remember which competition. She thinks she excels in everything.

She has always wanted to be in the same league.

"Oh, is this your little sister?" Liliene's colleague asked as the lady smiled at her. Lisa glanced at her sister.

"Uh," Liliene spared her a look before smiling awkwardly back to her friend, "Yes," she laughed.

That laugh echoed in her mind— she felt like she was the joke for that laughter.

That night, the box she wanted to give stayed under her bed, the barrette never had the chance to be given.

♫ Every step that I take is another mistake to you ♪
♫ (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) ♪

Why can't you let me near you?

Lisa twirled, some of her hair escaping her messy bun flown from her face. She closed her eyes more intently.

"I'm sorry. We couldn't do anything," a lady in white told them. She was holding her mother's hand. The loud sobs of her parents heard in the empty hallways.

She was clueless. Staring into nothingness.

Why was she not crying?

♫ I've become so numb ♪
♫ I can't feel you there ♪

'I just want to be like you.'

She stood at the far back of the crowd. In the distance, people gathered upon the figure of her. She looked so bright, everyone fawned over her. She heard her laughter again, this time she sounded so warm.

Her sister glanced over her shoulder, to her direction.

Lisa cannot see her clearly, her eyes cannot adjust to her bright aura while she stands under the shades of her sister's shadow.

She felt Bambam's gentle hands on her waist, lifting her up as they took a spin for the dance. The whip of air sent a cold breeze to her skin.

'When will I be?'

A blinding light from a car and everything ceased to exist in the background. Why can't she move? Her heart thumped wildly in fear.

"Lisa!" a voice shouted as she felt someone pushing her.

♫ Become so tired ♪
♫ So much more aware ♪

Lisa jumped and landed flawlessly on the stage, instantly swaying to the continuous melody of the song.

She wasn't aware but it looked breathtaking for any audience.

What the audience didn't know, however, is the ache in her every step.

She wasn't elegantly dancing to the rhythm... she was struggling to be in beat all along.

♫ I'm becoming this ♪
♫ All I want to do ♪

The screeching sound of a bike crossing the road, she looked into its direction. The man waved his arms to her, "Move away!"

Something inside her trembled as she found herself frozen again. And just like the repeat of that night, she felt a force pushing her from the road.

This time, they stumbled together on the concrete.

Thankfully.

The girl in her uniform quickly stood up to dust off her skirt. Then she yelled at the passing bicyclist, "Hey, mister, at least be careful!"

Lisa was stunned. Her hand is still beating fast from the incident. The fear in her chest is still there. It has been a year and yet it still feels like yesterday. She was only brought back to reality when someone offered a hand to her.

"Let's go?" the girl beamed her heart-shaped lips at her. Her eyes are so bright and she feels very welcoming. She stared at the stranger, and she saw the image of her sister at the back, smiling at her too.

"Oh my god! Are you hurt? Hey? You want to go to the hospital?" the stranger fussed over her and checked her for injuries. She was confused.

"Huh?" she blinked a few times.

"You're crying," the girl said to her. Lisa was shocked. She felt the hot tears on her cheeks. She slowly wiped it and looked at her hands.

Oh, she really is crying.

She... she finally cried.

And just like that, as if her tears are a dam waiting to break its walls, they came pouring in madly. She bawled her eyes out, the passing people looking at them. The stranger watched her in silent panic.

But she couldn't care.

She continued crying... and then, the words stuck on her throat the whole time, the words that clawed its way down on her neck, the words she wanted to say badly— but she didn't have the chance to, slip out from her tongue.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

♫ Is be more like me ♪

Lisa's step doubled as she hastily ran through the stage. Then, she stretched to lean forward, the other dancers holding one of her arms, as if preventing her from falling off the stage to reach the non-existent thing she wanted to touch.

And kind of felt like preventing her from falling apart, too.

The memory of a box on her bed, one day after she went home. It was wrapped in black and white, just like the clothes she was wearing that day. She cannot feel any emotions, not even curiosity. Just maybe a hole in her chest.

She took the box and opened it.

A pair of shoes.

Her first dancing shoes.

And a note.

"Lisa-ya,
You don't need to wear my shoe,
anymore
Figuratively and not, haha
I'm proud of you,
sis
Sorry I don't know
what you want or like"

The hole in her chest felt more hollow, she gripped on the shoes tighter.

The only thing I always wanted... is to be like you.

Lisa jived through the melody, her movements mirrored the turbulent emotions in her chest. There comes the spin in the routine, the consecutive spins. Her toes pointed now.

♫ And be less like you ♪

Liliene, she thought in her mind.

She tiptoed and put her arms over her head.

I always dreamed of being you, her eyes remained close. She's afraid she might start crying in the middle of it.

Then, she spinned.

Maybe we'll be closer if I am, if I was.

And she spinned.

But lately, Lisa opened her eyes.

She looked around the empty auditorium, but she saw people in her life flashed there, as if they were watching her, cheering for her. The people who looked at her for being her.

A small smile formed in her lips.

I don't... Not anymore.

Just as the music stopped, she struck her final pose.

Their instructor clapped after a few seconds. Everyone finally breathed once again and they clapped too, filling the whole room with buzzing conversations. Lisa felt relieved, the pain in her ankles paid off.

"That was a great dance," Bambam said from her back, his bag on his shoulder. He smiled widely at her and gave her thumbs up.

She laughed at him, "Thanks."

He's sneaking out of practice again.

Lisa high-fived with some of her crewmates as she walked over her stuff. She started fixing her things while their choreographer had few matters to say to them. It didn't last long before they were dismissed. The students left the auditorium one by one.

She is about to exit too when their instructor, Cheshir, calls her, "Lisa."

"Yes?" she glanced at her by the door.

Cheshir gave her a bright smile, "You did well."

Lisa was stunned for a second but she felt lighter than before, a giddy feeling in her chest.

Sometimes she falls and stumbles in her dances.

On some days, the beat feels too fast while there are also moments when it feels painstakingly slow. Kind of loud, too but also screeching silent during other nights. If there is one thing she knows, though, is that no tempo stays the same.

It gets hard but she's doing okay.

She's still learning to dance gracefully in the midst of the odds, a little awkward and perhaps somehow offbeat as she tries.

But she knows she's getting there.

Someday, she'll surely get there.

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