TRIGGER WARNING:
harassment, violence, blood

This chapter includes some inappropriate/triggering events that may cause discomfort to some readers. Please proceed with caution.

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"They told you not to dance with demons, but my love, you wear rebellion well." —Ariana Reines

**

THERE is a story about a girl... They call her an epitome of light.

However, unlike what people tell her she is, she felt more like a blank paper. She wanted ink to be carved upon her delicate skin. Yet to be written on, is to be tainted.

If she will have ink scribbled on her frail pages, it will also mean that a shadow would be casted upon her light. Everyone told her that it is foolish to desire being blemished but there is something about fire that attracts the moth.

And she has always craved for it.

"Taehyung?" Jisoo is getting off early from her shift when she notices his familiar figure walking across the street with his hoodie on.

It's been a day since his attempt at the rooftop. She always messages him but he keeps telling her off (although he still replies) and never really went to the convenience store for the lunch she offered.

Instead of walking straight to go home, she unconsciously followed his steps and took a round at the corner where he did, "Taehyung!" she called again but he didn't hear her or maybe, ignored her purposely.

Jisoo's forehead creased as she jogged to keep up with his pace only to notice that they were taking the path back to the old building the other day.

He is not doing that again, is he?

She quietly followed him but he stopped just before he lifted the yellow taped barricade. Because of the sudden halt, she bumped on his back. Taehyung lazily faced her with a frown on his face.

"Why are you following me, stalker?" he said, irritated while looking down because of their height difference.

Jisoo raised her head to face him, her eyes are wide, sparkling with a curious gaze of wonder, "Uhm, what are you going to do there?" she asked and peered over his shoulder, tiptoeing, her lips in a pout while gesturing to the old building.

Taehyung held her head and turned it to face him again, "None of your business," he gritted his teeth and leaned forward to her face, "Get lost."

Jisoo's eyes blinked a few times, "I don't want to get lost," she said innocently. She tilted her head and stared at him, "How will I go home if I get lost?" she grinned at him.

Taehyung backed away quickly as if he was burnt and glared at her, "Are you really always playing dumb?" he asked.

"Huh?" her face plastered a genuine confused expression that made him ten times more frustrated.

He brushed his hand over his face before having a deep sigh, "Whatever," he decided to ignore her and he lifted the barricade to go under, passing through it. Jisoo quickly copied him and trailed along his back.

"You really are following me? Creep," he mumbled as they entered the building, going to the deteriorating stairs.

"I can't leave you alone," Jisoo answered while looking around. Last time, she didn't have a chance to observe the surroundings but now she noticed how dusty it is. Cobwebs and cracks are evident everywhere. Her eyes traveled back to Taehyung who was walking ahead of her, "I'm worried," she added.

Even if she cannot see him, Taehyung rolled his eyes automatically, "Worried my ass," he mumbled under his breath which she didn't hear.

After several floors, they reached a mossy door with a chain around it. It is not locked, it is just tied around the handle so others would think it is. He swiftly removed it and dropped it on the ground before pushing the creaking door open.

Jisoo bent down to pick the chains and properly put them aside. She stood again and was about to follow but Taehyung carelessly shoved it close. It almost got her hand. She gasped. Good thing, she caught it in time.

She quietly tailed on him. It was a bright afternoon that time. In a short distance, Taehyung is walking straight to the edge of the rooftop. Her steps were faster to catch up, heart thumping loudly with just the thought of him attempting such harm to himself again.

"You're not... Doing anything... Dangerous, right?" she asked hesitantly.

"What if I am?" he simply said and climbed to sit on the railings, taking out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

"Get off there!" she rushed to him and held his arm. Jisoo looked down below on how tall the building is, "I get agitated, you might fall," she said before looking at him again.

His eyebrow raised, "Better then," he dismissively said.

"Taehyung..." Jisoo concernly called his name. She pulled his arm gently, "Come on, you could take a rest in other places."

"No," he got out of her hold. Taehyung lit his cigarette, "Stop being so nosy. Just what do you get from it?" he said as he put it in his mouth.

"Smoking is bad," she said softly while looking at him.

"Oh?" he sarcastically asked, "Well, I'm bad," he pulled the stick and puffed the smoke right at her face. His eyes blank as he looks at her.

Jisoo coughed, waving her hands in the air to dissipate the smoke, "Stop it, you're not even a chimney," she said firmly, "Don't smoke," Jisoo grabbed the stick sharply and stomped on it.

His eyes darkened as he looked at the cigar she stepped on, "You're crossing lines," he said in a low tone.

"I'm sorry but... I'm just w-worried," Jisoo stuttered because of the intensity of his gaze

"Who told you to be?" he said harshly, "I hate repeating myself, do you know that?" his voice was threatening that it took a second for Jisoo to react.

"I told you to fuck off," he jumped back on the ground and took one step, "Why don't you get the hint?"

"Because... I... I want to be f-friends with you," she said and moved backwards. His aura is different, that she unconsciously put her defense high.

"Friends?" Taehyung laughed mockingly, "Stop joking," he shook his head, "I know you're a little unhinged but do you really think we could be friends? That's insanity already."

"Yeah... Y-you're not bad," she said as she continued backing away because he is now walking casually towards her. Even if he appears to be laid-back, his relaxed demeanor is a lot more menacing.

"Ah, so you do this because you're not scared?" he asked as if he made a good conclusion, "You really don't know me," he uttered while cornering her.

"I... I'm not s-scared," Jisoo gulped when she felt the cold wall behind her back. They were beside the entrance of the rooftop.

Taehyung stared at her, "Why stutter?" he smirked. His arm rested beside her head as he bent down a little so their faces were leveling one another.

"B-because... You're too serious," she answered while averting her eyes.

He's too close! Her heart beat doubled in nervousness.

"Hey, little missy," Taehyung snapped in front of her to get her attention back, "I suggest you drop this and be scared of me," he successfully got her gaze back, "Have you ever heard rumors about me?"

He leaned to her ears and whispered, sending shivers to her spine, "They're true."

Jisoo's eyes widened and stared at his dark face. She held her breath before answering, "But... I... I think you are a good person deep inside."

"Wrong," he glared at her eyes.

"You're just troubled and lonely. I think you need someone to take care of you," she honestly told him while observing his face, "So you will not always be full of anger or remorse."

Taehyung bowed his head and his hand beside her head turned into a fist. He whispered in a deep voice, "Shut up."

But she didn't listen and instead tried to enter his closed mind, "You can't always isolate yourself. You need therapy or at least someone to look after you. Whenever I see you, you always seem so sad, I can feel it. That's why I want—"

"I SAID SHUT UP!" he yelled that made her quiver. His eyes are blazing as if she hit a sensitive nerve. Jisoo looked at him in shock.

His eyes are burning with fire. And just like a moth drawn to it, she cannot help but maintain their eye contact. He looked mad but... Lost. His eyes mirrored that there is something bugging him which in return, he shields with anger to hide it.

"You're making an idea out of me. I'm a piece of shit and I don't need your pity!" he yelled once more, sounding as if he is convincing himself more than he is convincing her.

"You're not like that," she answered softly.

"I AM!" his eyes were dilating like he is panicking inside so he is lashing it out, not having control of going berserk, "What do you want huh?" his voice is desperate and serious.

"To get fucked and then go away?" he spit out without thinking. Jisoo's eyes widened in shock, "You like that?" he held her chin firmly.

"N-no!" Jisoo tilted her head as she feels like Taehyung is not himself right now. She knew she triggered something bad. She should have shut up when he told her to.

However, she cannot break through him right now. She looked at him, starting to get scared, "W-what are you s-saying?" her voice almost broke.

"Stop being such a stupid bitch going around thinking she can fool everyone," he held her by her collar, slightly lifting her as his other hand pinned her arms on the wall.

He inched closer to her face, "You don't have the solution to all the problems in this damned world. Keep your nose out of someone else's business."

"Taehyung p-please stop," Jisoo shakily said and tried to remove his grip on her wrist.

"What? I stop? Didn't I tell you that earlier?" his voice mocking her as he pushed her more on the wall, "Huh, now you wanna stop."

"This... This is n-not what I m-meant..." she said as she looked down, breathing heavily.

"Whatever it is," he paused and tightened his hold, she thought her bones were going to get crushed.

He let go of her collar before lifting his fist and punching the space beside her face, making her close her eyes in fear, tears escaping, "Fucking leave me alone!"

Taehyung's eyes were dilating with anger. His eyes blazed as his mind was clouded. Finally, he heard her desperate sobs. It managed to get his attention and he pulled away to see her face stained with tears, noticing that she was trembling.

His eyes widened like he was thrown a bucket of cold water to wake him up. He was busy letting his anger out that he did not process thoroughly just what he was actually doing.

It finally sinked in.

His lips quivered and looked scared of what he did to her. Taehyung tripped backwards on his feet, almost falling flat on the ground. He clasped his hand together as it started shaking.

'D-don't look at me Taehyung,' a familiar voice whispered. A memory flashed upon his eyes. Tear-stained face filled with fear.

'L-leave... Now, leave...' a plea that still haunts him. The hand reached to him. He remembered it all.

"Shit," he looked terrified. He grabbed his hair and stared at Jisoo who is now slumped down on the floor, crying silently. He slowly took steps back.

He started running to the door and down the stairs, almost falling as he rushed his way out. He heard the voices in his mind, they felt so real and they were so loud.

'D-don't touch me! Let go! P-please stop!' he remembered how the voice shouted and cried. He closed his eyes. It's broad daylight and he is wide awake yet the nightmares of his past are chasing him.

"Taehyung, p-please stop," now, it was Jisoo's voice that echoed in his head, his heart clenched and he started to feel the guilt eating him up yet he continued running.

He turned in an alley, not so far from the building. He started punching the wall, taking out all of his emotions on it. Anger, pain, confusion, guilt, everything. Every heavy feeling on his chest

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

He wanted to scare her so she would stop pestering him. He didn't actually plan to do that. It was a spur of the moment. She pressed onto a matter he doesn't want to dwell on. He just needed her to shut up but she wouldn't— it pushed his buttons.

He just wanted to avoid that topic but he lost control of himself. His mind went blank and he literally didn't know what he was thinking. He just thought that he needed it to divert his attention from remembering that. But he failed, big time.

Taehyung did a few of the same awful acts like that before but for the first time, it was a different feeling. He felt worse. He actually felt guilty that he did that to... Her.

Jisoo's face filled with fear, crying and trembling is something which hurt him and made him mad at himself more than he already is. He wanted to scare her but after seeing fears in her usual sparkling orbs, he lost it.

What have I done?

Taehyung leaned his head on the wall as he screamed at the top of his lungs, voice cracking. As if the very yelling took all of his strength, he weakly dropped on the floor.

He curled into his knees, eyes wide as he pulled his hair hard, crying, What the hell did I do?

"T-Taehyung?" he heard her stuttering soft call. She was evidently hesitant as her voice started to sound nearer.

He paused, Why is she still following me?

"Taehyung?" she said louder this time. He closed his eyes and bowed. He doesn't want to face her after what he just did. He can't even understand why she would want to still see him now!

A minute passed and her steps sounded closer. He lifted his head and turned his head to the entrance of the alley where it was coming from.

"Tae—" he heard her yelp. He heard shuffling and grunts, making him stand up in alarm. His feet quickly ran to check on her.

Taehyung got out of the alley and saw Jisoo being held by a thug.

Shit, he cursed under his breath, as his eyes flickered with more anger.

The thing about the building they went to, is that it is located in one of the most infamous and dangerous streets in the city. Cars and people usually just pass by there and most of the time, avoid taking that route because of the hooligans lurking around.

The street is out of the jurisdiction of the police because it was owned by a big time mafia or someone of sort.

Taehyung stood there, in shock. He was overwhelmed because of everything happening all at once. She struggled in the big man's hold. His eyes darkened as he instantly took a step forward, ready to plunge at the guy but he also halted.

He remembered how she looked just as scared too, with him earlier.

"Aw, come on, I just need your money," the tall, bulky dark man smiled at her evilly, he held Jisoo's jaw tightly as he looked down at her, "Hm, lucky day, your face is beautiful too."

Tears flowed from her eyes until she saw him from across. Her eyes pleaded for him, "Taehyung, help!"

The thug finally noticed his presence, glaring at him, "Oh, no, no," he said as he clicked his tongue.

The man gestured for him to go away, "Hey, little boy, run away and act like you didn't see anything 'kay? You don't want to get bloody here... Or you wanna watch?!" he smirked.

'Watch boy, 'kay? Watch,' a different voice rang in his mind. He flinched after feeling like his attacks were starting again any moment.

He remembered hopeless hazelnut eyes looking at him from that day before... He looked in front of him and suddenly, the image of his past is slowly starting to fade, only to be replaced by the same brown helpless eyes now.

It was like his nightmare is starting to repeat the second time around.

He felt the deepest fear he has felt in years. It is what he was running away from for so long and now it's as if he needs to face it. He is not ready.

Unconsciously, he turned his back on her. He could just act like nothing happened, right? They are basically strangers... And since when did he care for someone?

However, before he could take a step away, her smile haunted him.

That smile...

He closed his eyes and tightened his trembling fist. He heaved a deep sigh to calm his nerves, Fuck this shit.

Taehyung quickly faced them again and lunged at him. He punched the guy hard with all of his remaining strength and strongly pulled Jisoo away from him. He dragged her to his back and faced the thug head on.

The man was outbalanced for a split second but quickly recovered and took out a pocket knife. The man attempted to stab him, making Jisoo squeal as she watched from a little distance.

Taehyung swiftly dodged it and caught his arm firmly. He twisted it and broke his hand, bones cracking as he stole the knife. The guy shouted in pain. He shoved him to a nearby wall with a force, his head hitting it hard, blood started dripping from it.

"Sure, let's be bloody," he pressed the man on the wall and pointed the blade at his neck. He put a light pressure on it, drawing blood from the guy's skin before he added with a deep voice, "But I'm sure it's not my blood that will spread here."

The man started getting frightened as Taehyung pushed him away, letting him go with a thud. He moved away from him as he looked up in horror.

Shaking on his knees, he got up, "Psycho shit!" he yelled as he started running away.

It was a dead hour, no cars were passing and there were no people around in the street. He threw the knife on the ground, creating a clunking sound.

He shut his eyes and inhaled. His hand is lightly shuddering all this time and if it was not for the adrenaline, he would not even be able to move.

Taehyung shifted his stares to the shivering Jisoo at the corner, slumped down with eyes wide. She is holding her chest as she is breathing heavily because of what she just witnessed.

He went to her silently and knelt in front of her. He fixed her hair gently and was about to wipe her tears but he stopped. He noticed the blood tainting his hands.

He could not hold someone as pure as her with those dirty, bloody hands.

Taehyung retreated and just remained staring, not knowing how to comfort her. Suddenly, she hugged him, he almost lost his balance and fell on the cement. He froze under her hold.

Jisoo buried her face on his chest and cried more. She held his shirt tightly and hardlyl catch her breath, "I... I t-thought—I'm... g-gonna... d-die."

Taehyung closed his eyes as he felt how soft she was. She is too fragile, uncorrupted, vulnerable. And that is exactly why he cannot associate himself with her.

Even if he wanted to. He just... Can't. They are too different, it feels like a sin being this close to someone like her.

He pulled away quietly and wiped his hands on his pants. He tried to stop its trembling and removed his jacket. He put it over her shoulder and made her wear it. Taehyung pulled the jacket close and sighed.

Their eyes met. Her eyes are still sparkling but it was because of the tears in it. There is a glint of fear in them.

He felt like a big joke, a walking curse. It has not been long since they were together and he almost destroyed her already.

"I warned you," he said softly as he kept their eye contact, "I am worse than this. I am worse than what you just saw. My world... is darker than this," he slowly said the words, a lump forming in his throat. Something inside him wants to stop talking but he does not falter.

His eyes went blank as he told her firmly, "Don't get involved."

Taehyung stood up and walked away. He did his best not to look back. He turned at the alley and leaned on the wall there. She didn't follow anymore. He stayed there for minutes, trying to breathe properly.

He decided to check where he left her. She is not there anymore. He went out from the backstreet and looked at her leaving figure. There is a growing distance between them now, he almost cannot see her back anymore.

Taehyung trailed behind her. He didn't know why but after what happened... He just wants to see her get back to the main street.

She reached the convenience store. He remained just across it, a road in between them. Cars are passing by and so are people. Jisoo is greeted by a man who looks like he is waiting there and wondering why the store is closed.

He looked like someone she knew as he checked on her and they talked. Taehyung turned his back from her and took the way to his place.

When he reached his house, the silence was deafening, his footsteps echoing inside his abode. He went straight to his room and to the bathroom.

He took his shirt off and opened the shower. He stared at his hands, blood slowly washing off.

Killer, whispered a voice at the back of his mind.

He flinched and combed his hair. He leaned his head on the wall, bowing. Taehyung tried to calm his breathing slowly before he decided to get out of the shower.

He dried himself off quickly and grabbed a random shirt, putting it on before opening the drawer of his side table to get his pills. He took three of them, slightly over his dosage thinking it is more effective that way before he plopped down on his bed.

He crouched and hugged himself. He is always torn about sleeping. He wants to escape his reality but he is also welcomed by nightmares in his sleep.

Inside the four empty, clammy, frigid corners of his house, he always suffers in solitude.

He never had a home.

—

"My world... is darker than this. Don't get involved."

JISOO sighed audibly as she stared at her ceiling decorated with her glow in the dark stars. It looks like the galaxy and it has always helped her sleep during rough nights and tonight, it was one of those.

"What do you want huh? To get fucked and then go away?"

She winced and faced her side. She grabbed her bolster pillow then she buried her face on it while calming her nerves.

Jisoo could not deny that she was terrified and shocked of Taehyung's sudden outburst. Sure, she might have shrugged off the rumors about him because she believes that deep inside, he could change or that he is not hopeless.

But after earlier, she realized that he really is what they warned her about.

Should I... Leave him alone? She thought and laid on her back again, closing her eyes.

He's scared and lost.

His image flashed in her memories again. The way he trembled and ran away from her. He looked like he was being chased by something that's why even if she was in shock, she unconsciously searched for him.

Because he looked like... He'd hurt himself again.

She opened her eyes and faced her right. There she saw the hoodie she hung on the side of her room.

His jacket...

When he put it around her, it felt different. It was when she first saw him that gentle. As if she is some fragile glass he is afraid to touch.

She sat up and messed her hair in frustration. She looked over her side table where she put her phone.

Should I message him?

Jisoo was conflicted for minutes, she was hugging a pillow on her other arm while biting her biting nails when suddenly, her phone beeped.

She almost fell on her bed as she reached for it in panic. She slid her screen quickly and opened the message. It's from him.

From: Taehyung

Sorry

She fell silent and spaced out. She bit her lips and dropped her phone on her bed. Jisoo hugged her knees and put her head on it. Now she has become more confused.

What should I do?

—

THREE days after, they never heard from each other. Jisoo is leaning her head on the counter as she stares at her phone. Few minutes sooner, they will close the store for today.

She scrolled through her drafts, reading them. She didn't have enough courage to send him messages anymore. It felt wrong and weird.

To: Taehyung (Draft)
Good morning. Please be okay :)

To: Taehyung (Draft)
Are you okay? Please eat on time

To: Taehyung (Draft)
I hope you are all right...

"Jisoo, you can go home now. I'll close the store for tonight," Youngbae peeked from the storage room, getting her attention. She stood up properly and faced her boss.

"Okay, sir. Thank you," she smiled and fixed her things. Before she left her place, she knocked on the storage room to bid him goodbye again, "I'll be off now, sir. Are you sure you don't need my help?"

"No, no. I'll be done here in a few. You can go home now. Take care on your way, a'right?" his boss smiled at her which she returned with an enthusiastic nod.

"Of course. You too, boss! Bye! See you tomorrow again!" Jisoo hopped off the counter and left the store. When she stepped outside, she felt the cold wind. Instinctively, she hugged herself tighter with her jacket.

She stared at the jacket. It's his jacket... It felt warm and she wore this so she could give it back the next time she will see him. If, she will see him.

Jisoo hummed silently, spacing off as she stared at the night sky. There are some stars tonight which made her smile. She looked straight on her tracks again until she noticed where she was going.

She stood shocked in front of the yellow taped barricade. Since when did she go back to this building?

She gulped. Maybe, she has been wanting to go here again for days because she knew, if there is a slight possibility that she would search for him, the only place she knows... Is here.

Ah! Whatever happens, happens.

Jisoo chanted at the back of her mind as she stubbornly entered. She never told Hoseok or her friends about what happened. They would berserk and things would get worse.

The chain is on the floor. He is here.

Jisoo pushed the door as quietly as she could before stepping on the rooftop. The breeze at the top is colder, she hugged herself more. Then, from a distance, she looked at his back. He was sitting on the railings, facing the view of the city.

She slowly went near him until he suddenly spoke, "Why are you here?" Jisoo reached the space beside him.

"You're really not scared? After everything?" he snickered but it sounded so hollow. Taehyung is not looking at her, he just looks at the city lights. She put her arms on the railings, leaning forward as she heaved a sigh.

"I don't know," Jisoo said softly. She gave him a sideward glance for a second before looking down at the empty streets below.

She closed her eyes and decided to ask what's bothering her, "How are you?" she whispered, just enough for the both of them. She stared at him.

She noticed the new cut on his forehead and his tired eyes. His lips are chapped as if he is not drinking. Her eyes traveled to his hands and it is obviously swollen and has bruises, "You have fresh wounds," she pointed out.

Taehyung hid his hands under his jacket and remained silent. Jisoo looked at his face, "Stop hurting yourself."

"So as you," he answered right away, taking her aback as she fell quiet.

"I..." he trailed off and finally faced her, "The other day— what I did is horrible. That is a red flag, you should... Go away," he said firmly, looking straight in her eyes.

Jisoo did not falter, "You apologized already."

"And you're forgiving with just that?" he questioned before his eyes softened for a split second, "How?" his voice sounded genuinely confused and... Sad.

"You've suffered the consequences already," she responded.

"You won't know when I'll do such again," he insisted.

She smiled a little and sighed, "It's when you doubted and trembled that I was at ease," she replied patiently. Her hands reached for his cheek, "I'm not entirely wrong, am I?" her voice and touch were gentle.

She looked at him softly before adding, "You were scared, too."

Taehyung froze. He stared at her for seconds before his eyes started pouring uncontrollably. They were silent tears and they never seemed to stop. Jisoo silently wiped his tears.

"It's okay, I'm forgiving you," he looked down and she tried to catch his eyes, still holding his face, "Don't do it again," she added and tried to smile.

"I know you won't, right?" Jisoo felt a tear escaping her eyes because she is scared and unsure too.

He didn't answer but he placed his head on her shoulder. She gently caressed his hair as she let him cry there.

"Why are you giving someone like me a chance?" he suddenly asked, "Why are you like this to me? You don't know me."

Jisoo looked in front as she could not see him, "I think I know you," she calmly said, "And even if what I assume is wrong, then I am willing to know the real you."

Taehyung lifted his head again and faced her, "I am not sure of this either. I also don't understand what exactly am I doing but I still want to stay and hear you out," she continued.

She cupped his face on her hands. She looked him straight in the eye, "Because I believe in you."

He wanted to believe that too. But how could he?

Even if he wanted to, it feels too selfish of him. He still does not think it would last. He is scared of temporary comfort because if it would someday leave him again, he'll break— no, not just break, it might crush him.

And so he said, "Don't," he looked away, making her hands drop slowly, "Just... Leave."

Don't make it hard, he wanted to add but didn't.

She was silent for a moment until she answered, "Okay..." Jisoo took a step back away from him, "I'll leave."

He flinched. It is what he asked. She took a step back again and it was funny how those steps sounded so loud that night. Her every track sounded so awfully loud like it was mocking him.

She stopped in front of the door, "Just so you know, the lunch is still up as an offer, noodles are not healthy, yeah?" she said, not facing him as she opened it.

"And one more thing Taehyung," Jisoo faced him and smiled.

"Please stop convincing yourself that you are evil," she said with finality before leaving and closing the doors.

There was a boy scared of light. He always stood under shades, he believed that if the light reached him, he would burn. He never saw light, he never left the shadows so he didn't know the truth about it. He also didn't want to know.

The boy seeks fraudulent comfort in the dark. It is what he makes you believe as solace.

But he always wondered, What does it feel like on the other side?

What is strange to us looks terrifying. Only few are bestowed with bravery. Unfortunately, he is a big coward. He feared light. Yet, little does he know darkness and light will never be separated.

Because light is only light in the middle of darkness.

And darkness is only darkness because of light.