TRIGGER WARNING:

blood, suicide, self-harm, violence

This chapter includes some inappropriate/triggering events that may cause discomfort to some readers. Please proceed with caution.

**

"We are each and our own devil, and we make this world our own hell." -Oscar Wilde

**

TAEHYUNG stood in the middle of pitch darkness.

He looked around, confused about where he was. Unconsciously, he started walking with no direction. It was a wide endless room of nothing. Empty, eerie, dim place of... nothing.

After some time, he felt a few raindrops on his skin. He looked up and closed his eyes, the small raindrops started pouring, drenching him. He felt like freezing but he kept walking because at that moment, he just wanted to walk away.

From what? That, he still didn't know.

He didn't notice how long he was walking already but he can feel his legs growing tired. It seems like he cannot reach a destination. With the next step he took, his feet sunk into water, a deep water out of nowhere. The land he was just walking earlier became an abyss. Slowly, it started eating his whole body.

Taehyung tried to get out of the oceans but he is starting to drown. He started gasping for air, struggling to keep his head above water. He was flapping his arms, trying to reach for something to hold on to. He desperately extended it to the black sky above.

Silly, what is he reaching for?

He felt the cold waters pulling him from below. The water started feeling like claws scratching him as he was forcefully dragged into the deep depths of the sea.

He was drowning alone.

He fought the current but he just kept on sinking, endless sinking. His eyes became blurry until they grew tired and he closed them. In defeat, Taehyung let himself drown. He was numb but as he reached the deeper part of the oceans, he started free-falling.

His eyes opened in shock as he plummeted into a hollow pit. He moved mid-air to face down but he kept twirling in the air. Then, his back landed on the harsh grounds. Taehyung sat up weakly, catching his breath, feeling an excruciating pain in his chest. He was soaking wet and then... There were voices.

Taehyung started trembling. No, not the voices... Not them.

'Where is your mommy and daddy, child?'

He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his chest. He screamed in agony because of the pain he was feeling. His voice was hoarse as he cried hard. It was as if someone was crushing his heart in its hands, beating it into a pulp, extracting until the last beat it pumps, until the last drop of its blood.

'Run away, Taehyung!'

'Don't look back!'

Taehyung stood up with shaking legs and ran. He ran as fast as he could but he was barely moving as he staggered on his knees.

Bang!

A gunshot made him flinch. From the shadows, emerged bloody hands trying to grab him. His eyes widened and he moved away from it but the hands continued to appear and kept reaching for him.

HAHAHAHAHA- laughter.

Loud, mocking, evil laughter. He shut his eyes close in pain as he covered his ears with his hands.

HAHAHAHAHA!

The familiar laugh reminded him of that one night. Unconsciously, his eyes started pouring more tears in silence. As seconds pass, the laughter is getting louder and louder.

HAHAHAHAHA!

Taehyung felt roots rising from his feet. It grasped him from his leg, slowly rising to his torso, straining his body. His shivering hands carelessly tried to pull the roots away from him, he struggled to get out from it until he noticed something.

The water he was drenched with started turning red-no, it's not water... It's blood.

He watched as his shirt started getting soaked with blood, his hand trembled more, "No... Stop," he tried to brush off the blood from his clothes and skin but it's not washing out. He desperately cried as he felt grossed out of it, "I... I didn't do it," he chanted, convincing himself.

But the voice spoke again.

"Awful, you brought their deaths."

Screeching sound of sirens and explosions accompanied the voice. He felt a shadow moving around him in circles. He felt its judging stares that were blaming him.

"No! No! Shut up!" he pleaded. He bent down on his knees. His eyes were holding back tears as he stared at his bloody hands in fear. There was a deafening silence for a moment until he noticed the shadow of rotten rubber shoes walking to him. His body froze.

"No! No!" he cried as his whole body was shaking. He does not want to come near the figure. He wants to run away from it but he cannot move. He was paralyzed on his spot.

Killer. Killer. Killer.

The voice continued to whisper, it's cold baritone echoed throughout the whole place, "Shut... Up," he weakly uttered and bawled his eyes out. However, the voice did not pity him, it continued repeating the same thing over and over.

You're a killer.

"I SAID SHUT UP!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. Then, he finally opened his eyes and looked up at the man's face. He saw the face of his demon again...

It looks exactly like him.

"SHIT!" Taehyung jolted up from his bed. He winced from the sudden pain. His eyes traveled to the alarm clock on his side table.

11:14 PM

Those nightmares again. These past few nights, it recurred more than before and a lot more aggravating than usual that he cannot function properly. He just locked up himself inside the house and refused to go out, not even attending brawls for almost a week now.

Taehyung rolled his eyes and messed his hair, "Fucking headache," he mumbled and stood up. He got out of his bed and grabbed his hoodie from the floor. He also took his phone on the bedside table before taking the hoodie on the floor of his messy place.

He zipped on his jacket and put the hood over his head as he shut his room's door close. He walked to the empty and cluttered living room, taking a packet of cigarettes he passed by on the center table. He went out of his house. He locked it and lighted his cigar.

Might as well take a walk.

—

JISOO'S phone beeped, making her stop on her tracks.

From: Rosé mluv 🌹❤️

Ily, be safe and take care on your way home oki?

Jisoo smiled as she typed her response to her friend.

To: Rosé mluv 🌹❤️

Yes ma'am! (((￣へ￣井)

She put her phone back to her small bag as she made her way to the chicken skewers store that is open for 24 hours. She just left Chaeyoung and Lisa's dorm. She took Lisa back home because the latter drunk messaged her as she was attending an org party, she ended up staying too late. It's almost midnight. Good thing, Jisoo could tend to her. She bought her skewers quickly and rushed to go back home.

Jisoo was humming happily while eating on her way to the bus stop. The streets are silent and there is no one around. Suddenly, she heard the sound of fireworks so she looked up at the sky.

"Wow, it's far from New Year yet, what's the fireworks for?" she chuckled lightly and brought her phone out to capture the fireworks but it was blurry since her phone does not have a high resolution. It's an old model, anyway.

"Aw, why can't I take a video clearly?" Jisoo looked around to find if there was a place where she could take a good video.

She always wanted all beautiful memories and things to be documented and remembered. That's why she wanted to capture the fireworks. Also, she is easily distracted that she already forgot what time it is and the fact that she should be hurrying home.

Her eyes stopped when it landed on a near seven storey building. Just steps away from her. At first she thought that she would go up there to see a much better view and take a video but when she stared at the top of the building she saw something... Or someone.

The light of the fireworks lit up a silhouette standing at the edge of the building. The man, still unknown to her, is opening his arms wide like he is about to jump.

Okay, he really is about to jump!

Jisoo unconsciously covered her mouth and dropped the plastic bag she was supposed to take home and eat the next morning. She didn't realize it but she was dashing to the stairs of the building. Running to the last floor.

Turns out, the building is abandoned and the barricade tape is destroyed. Clearly because the man sneaked out of the building. There was no elevator nor escalators so she needed to take the stairs. It is adrenaline-rush that helped her make it possible to reach the floor that fast. She barged in the rooftop's door and ran so fast to the man standing at the edge.

She forcefully grabbed the man by his arms and he stumbled backwards, a step away from the edge, "Omygod, don't do it! We can talk about whatever it is, just don't-" Jisoo looked down on her feet, her other hand clutching her chest while the other was still holding the man firmly.

She was really catching her breath hard. Running to the seventh floor is not as easy as it sounds!

The man removed her hand and yelled at her, "Why the hell do you even intervene?!"

Jisoo's eyes widened and she quickly looked up to who the man was. That shouting voice is very familiar.

Of course, it's Taehyung!

Today, he looked like he was very exhausted. Dark circles are evident under his eyes. His lips are pale and chapped like he wasn't eating nor drinking. She stopped gawking at him when Taehyung pushed her, almost losing her balance and fell down.

"You don't tell me what I should not do!" he faced the edge of the building again and was about to climb up but she stopped him by hugging his back.

"Please don't jump, you might die," Jisoo's voice almost cracked because her heart was thumping fast from both exhaustion and fear. Imagining how much pain he must have gone through to think of ending his own life terrifies her.

"Stupid, that's the point of this!" Taehyung tried to remove her arms around his waist but she's persistent. He's much stronger but it's as if he is worn out while she puts all her strength in that embrace.

"No! I won't let you jump! We can talk about what you are going through, just don't- don't end your life like this!" he suddenly faced her and forced his way out of her hold.

"I can't anymore, okay?! It's so easy for you to say that I should not end my life because you don't know anything! What's the point of living when I am so fucking tired?! I'm just suffering continuously and you are selfishly asking me to not end my life?! You don't know a thing!" Taehyung was holding her shoulders and shaking her as if the answers to his questions would come from her. He lashed out all his feelings on Jisoo.

"Tell me what's the difference if I stay alive? Nothing! I got no one. So why? Why should I continue living when everyday feels like a damn flashback of what happened that day!" his eyes started welling up.

"The blood, the death, I've seen it with my eyes! And this?!" he was pointing his head and pulling his hair hard, "This stupid fucking brain remembers everything clearly! It haunts me everytime! I can't forget it! I can't escape it! I can only escape everything if I die!"

Jisoo was staring at him the whole time, she didn't notice that she was crying while watching him break down. She covered her mouth because of how deep his wound was. She may not know the whole story but she can feel the pain he had suppressed for so long.

"I just want to end everything... Why am I the one who remained alive? I should've died... I should've been the one who died... Not... Not-" his knees gave up and he ended up kneeling while crying his heart out. Jisoo looked down and tried to hug him but he dodged it, terribly trembling.

"Get away from me," he whispered weakly, "You're making it worse," he mumbled as if her touch was fire that would burn him. She was taken aback. She wanted to help him but she didn't know how.

Jisoo slowly crouched in front of him. Her eyes watching him, afraid that if she won't, she might not stop him from doing harm to himself.

Taehyung slumped on the cement, completely worn-out. But he is not tired enough to stop crying- or maybe he is but there is nothing he could do about it. He covered his eyes with his hands, they are still cold while shuddering, his breath hitched as he experienced another migraine because of the voices he was hearing.

He tried to catch his breath and calm himself.

Don't listen to him. Stop listening to him. He is not real. He is not real. He is not real.

Taehyung placed his head on his knees as he hugged them to his chest. He hugged himself tightly, trying to suppress his quivers. Then, he felt a very gentle touch caressing his hair. It was an instant distraction that slightly pulled him out of his nightmares.

"C-can I touch you now?" he saw a hesitant girl in front of him. She looked so soft and caring. Her nose is reddish and so is her cheeks, maybe because of the cold night. She has a scarf around her neck wearing a long sleeve dress as her hair is messily flowing down.

He stared at her. The moonlight shone over her back, there is a light on her side as if an invisible boundary is separating them. She looks misplaced in his dark world.

No, she really doesn't belong here.

"What are you doing?" he asked, "Why are you still here?" a genuine confusion drawing on his face as he continued looking at her.

"Because I'm not leaving," she gave him a small smile and moved closer to him, little by little. She removed the red scarf around her neck and slowly put it around his neck, "You're cold aren't you?" she pulled the tips over each other and tenderly clasped his hands together with hers.

It's warm, he thought. Taehyung was completely dazed as he stared at their hands. Her hand is warm.

Jisoo weighed his reactions carefully. She was observing him for almost half an hour before she decided to reach him. She does not want to trigger it more but she also wanted to try and calm him down. It looks like it is slowly subsiding.

Taehyung still cannot think things through so he just let her guide him to her arms. She quietly lay him in her arms as she hugged him. He wanted to shrug off Jisoo but he had no strength left. His mind is clouded and he still cannot stop himself from crying.

At the same time as she hugged him firmly, hoping that her embrace is tight enough to comprise all his broken pieces and put him back as whole, "Please, leave me... Leave me alone," he whispered between his sobs.

She thought he was referring to her and she started panicking. Maybe she is triggering it more... But she felt how hard his hands were clinging to her arms. He was unconsciously grabbing on her.

"I don't wanna hear it anymore," he said, "I'm tired... I can't take it any longer," his cries were silent compared to earlier but it poured harder. His hoarse voice sounded really scared as he kept on pleading.

Jisoo's eyes started crying, too. Having him in her arms felt like she was holding shards of glasses, barely keeping it from shattering completely. That moment, she wanted to take at least half of his pain to let him breathe even for a while.

"That's right, I don't know anything but know that I am here for you," she whispered as gently as she could to his ears. She combed his hair, "It's okay Taehyung, it's not your fault. I'm here, okay? I'm here. I'll stay here," she added while hugging him closer.

Jisoo doesn't know what exact words she should say to calm the chaos in him so she decides that she will just let him know that there is someone by his side.

She was already determined to get to know him out of her curiosity and gut feel but after witnessing this side of him... She knew there is no turning back now. She cannot turn back from him anymore. She just... Can't.

And she doesn't want to.

On the other side, little did Taehyung know, he was hugging her back with all his might, like his life depended on her very hold. It was long ago when he felt this ironically peaceful, when he put his walls down even for a split second. Even for that one moment, even for only that time, he lowered his guard.

He thought her touch would burn him but her embrace was warm.

It was comforting that even if he did not want to, he could not help but just surrender his walls. It's different and baffling, strange and bizarre.

But boy... was it great.

**

Author's Note:
Hello, how was it? I do not want to romanticize suicidal thoughts and therefore I put trigger warnings in respect to those who might be going through the same thing. I don't know anything too but feel free to DM me if you want someone to talk to, okay? I'll answer once I read it :D

I hope we'll all learn how to be okay :))
Take care guys, wuvu!