"Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." — David Foster Wallace

**

Once was a boy who was a keeper of bad things.

He collected sadness, hatred, wrath, loneliness, and every awful feeling thrown at him. He didn't know what to do with them and he needed company aside from his monsters. And so the boy decided to keep them... Perhaps these feelings could cease the emptiness in him.

But he didn't know that these things can never fill the void.

For everything he has ever held is hollow.

He stayed alone in the middle of nowhere, hugging the treasure chest of cobwebs and dust he had been taking care of for the longest time.

It was a long winter of numbness.

And he accepted that maybe... Maybe this punishment is eternal.

Until the day snowflakes melted and a sunray peeked at him. It was misty, but for the first time, there was something new, unusual, different.

The boy watched how a small sprout started growing from the creaks of the land.

It looked beautiful. It looked colorful. It looked like it's out of place. Perhaps because it really does not belong there.

Nevertheless, he wanted it so bad. For the first time, he saw something that is not ugly in his world. He wanted to hold it, never let it go, afraid that it will be the last good thing he'll see.

But his hands are full.

He still has his treasure chest with him, carrying things that are heavy and horrendous. For this is all he has ever clutched upon. The only thing he knows how to cradle.

The boy so yearned to reach for the growing sprout.

Even despite his hands being full.

Yet sometimes, in order to embrace new things, you need to let go of everything you have been trying to hold onto.

"OKAY SO you mean, we—" Jimin was cut off when Taehyung suddenly interrupted him.

"Can I leave? I don't want to be here," Taehyung rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue as he leaned on his seat.

"I'm not sure," Namjoon uttered, flipping the page of his book while looking at Taehyung across from him, "Can you?" he added with a gesture to a table near them.

Taehyung could only clench his jaw as he glanced at the girl grinning and giving him thumbs up when he looked at her direction for a second.

How did I even end up in this situation?

Well, the situation is him sitting at one table with Namjoon, Jimin, Jungkook, and Hoseok to 'study' and 'make friends'. He wanted to protest, of course. Who says he needs friends? Who says he wants to study? Hoseok is not even from the same university so the studying part is just an excuse. What kind of stupid idea is this?

But yes, there's only one person who would think this is a great idea.

And does Taehyung have power over this person?

The answer is obvious as he could only grumble under his breath for almost an hour that the boys have been together, yet still lacks progress— on his part, and the studying part. The four guys pretty much quickly jived with each other except him.

At least he agreed to join this whole ordeal. He didn't say he was actually going to study nor make friends.

"Man, it has only been a short while since last time but you've managed to be this down bad," Hoseok munched on his chips loudly and offered it to Jimin, who was sitting beside him as they did nothing but eat.

"The fuck do you mean?" he glared at Hoseok, who now, doesn't flinch or feel scared of his sharp eyes.

"You're becoming a lot more bad at giving Jisoo a 'no'," the man had the nerve to snicker at him as he licked the cheese off his fingers.

"Dude, use a napkin or tissue," Namjoon eyed Hoseok with disbelief and threw him a napkin to wipe his hands with.

Jimin laughed and put his arm around Hoseok's shoulder as a support while the latter cleaned his hands, "I'm very glad you are here, bro. It's like their relationship is a taboo! Whenever I try to bring it up out of curiosity, everyone side-eyes me like I'm insane or thou shall not be spoken about!"

"Maybe it's 'cause you shouldn't stick your nose in someone else's business," Jungkook mumbled while playing on his phone.

"Yeah," Taehyung stared at Jimin, "Listen to your friend. He has more common sense than you could ever have."

Jimin scoffed, "And I have more charm than you can ever dream of."

"I'm sure there's nothing between them. She will tell me if she has a boyfriend or someone she is seeing," Hoseok uttered while staring straight into Taehyung's eyes, "Jisoo promised I'm one of those who will know first."

"Why would you be the first out of everyone?" Taehyung scoffed and glared back.

"I don't know," he gave an annoying smile and shrugged, "Oh, maybe because I am one of her best friends who has been with her since middle school."

"I've known her longer," he added and emphasized, chewing the chips irritatingly loud. Hoseok was obviously taunting Taehyung and the latter easily fell for it.

"Uh..." Namjoon, who can feel the increasing tension in their table when all he wanted was to study in peace, should've known it was a bad idea to agree but he trusted Jisoo and her friends when he was invited.

"How about we talk about Calculus instead?" he asked, trying to divert their attention or simply just end the topic.

"Boo! Everyone hates Math!" Jimin quickly contradicted him. For most days, he would've smacked his friend but at times like this, he's quite good at changing the mood so he'll let it pass.

Taehyung is pissed off and he would want to say something back but he can't think of any retorts. Good thing his phone beeped so he has a reason to act like he just chose not to answer Hoseok. His petty side hates losing.

Especially when it comes to her.

From: Number
we r hiding

He squinted his eyes and racked his brain to remember because he doesn't save numbers. Then it hit him that it was probably Jin... or Suga, but the latter rarely ever messages and would rather call. So he bets it's Jin.

To: Number

?

From: Number
fuck u man
we r in trouble rn cus of u asshole
meet us or we drag u wherever u r
suga is furious too, btw

Ah, confirmed. It's Jin. He wonders what his drama is this time?

To: Number
loc

From: Number
7th st

Taehyung cursed under his breath and realized he was still with the four guys when Jimin slammed his hands on the desk, making a thud which got not only his attention, but also the attention of some customers around them.

He glared at the guy who beamed at him, looking proud of the commotion he caused, "We're friends now so you confess to us your actual feelings about your girl. We can keep secrets or give advice since you obviously need it."

"Do you really have the knack of making scenes as if you're in some kind of drama or TV, huh?" Taehyung exasperatedly sighed and stared blankly at him.

"Actually, now that you mention it, I'm glad to share that I'm contemplating it. I'm sure my face would pass for a lead role though," Jimin answered.

Jungkook paused his game for a second to digest what he just heard while Hoseok was very supportive of Jimin and Namjoon... Well, he was reminding himself of breathing exercises to calm himself down and positively think that soon enough, this 'study session' of theirs will end.

"I don't see the vision," Taehyung raised his eyebrow at Jimin who glared at him. Jungkook almost choked, trying to hold back his laughter because of Taehyung's cold statement.

"You should have your eyes checked, then. I'm actually worried," Jimin replied nonchalantly. For a second, Taehyung was not sure whether that was sarcasm or he meant it.

Either way, he needs to go now.

Taehyung just shrugged and stood up, there was no point in asking them permission to leave. He still has things to settle with Jin and Suga. However, before he can even walk far from their table, Namjoon calls him out.

"We're not finished yet, where are you going?" he uttered.

And here he thought that Namjoon was the most bearable out of them, Why does he need to say it out loud?

Taehyung paused on his tracks. He remembered the reason why he was forced to agree today. Just in time, her figure showed up in front of him.

"Taehyungie, where are you going?" Jisoo asked, staring at him straight in the eye.

I'm dead.

"Out. Just..." his voice trailed off.

He can't really lie while looking at her and he doesn't want to. But he knows she will go ballistic if she finds out he is leaving because of something connected to the underground place and he didn't want her to worry too much since he decided that he will end things concerning it, that's why he said yes in meeting Jin and Suga.

He is cutting off the ugly parts of him, little by little.

All he wants is some more time.

"Are you escaping?" Jisoo asked and squinted her eyes at him, "I thought we agreed at least just for today? You promised me you will try and make friends," she told him accusingly.

"I— I mean..." Taehyung averted his eyes from her and scratched his nape. His eyes landed on the four guys who were not even trying to hide that they were eavesdropping.

He is not sure if he's gone insane but it just suddenly slipped out of his mouth.

"We... Yes, we— they will go with me!" he declared and pointed at the clueless men.

"We will go with you?" Hoseok raised a brow at him, perplexed by the sudden statement. He has been observing Taehyung and how he talks to Jisoo in amusement until they are suddenly involved in the conversation.

On the other hand, Jimin quickly seconded Taehyung much to the latter's surprise and relief, "We will go with him," he repeated firmly, giving a thumbs up and a cheshire grin.

Jisoo's stares went from them to Taehyung and she processed it for a split second.

"Really?!" she exclaimed while smiling and grabbed both of Taehyung's clasped hands together.

Oh no, shit. This is a big mistake.

"That's great! You guys should bond together all day! Just message me if you're home already... No need to update me though! Enjoy your day!" Jisoo chirped.

She was very enthusiastic about sending him off, even nudging him lightly that Namjoon, Jungkook, and Hoseok could only play along. Jimin was already showing his acting skills by putting an arm around Taehyung's shoulder who is trying his best not to grimace.

"Leave Mr. Emo boy to us, Jisoo!" he confidently said to her.

Jisoo laughed and nodded, "I sure will. You guys have fun! We'll also have a girl bonding!" she uttered before waving them goodbye.

Taehyung suddenly feels so bad and guilty about it. He cannot take it back, though. Not when she is so happy over it. He'll just tell her when he does settle things.

The sound of the chime echoed as they left the cafe and the girls. He was walking in front while the others followed him.

"Man, if you wanted an intimate bonding with just us, you should've said so," the teasing tone in Jimin's voice is very clear.

"Just tell me this is not a long walk," Jungkook complained under his breath, "Please."

"Let us go somewhere budget-friendly," Hoseok said and put his hands clasped on top of his head.

"I'm still bringing the books," Namjoon heaved a sigh with his backpack hanging from his shoulder.

When they took a turn after three corners, Taehyung halted, making them also stop on their feet, "We can separate ways now. Just don't tell her yet, I will be the one to explain."

"You're telling us to lie to Jisoo?" Jungkook raised a brow at him and scoffed.

Before Taehyung could even say something, he was thrown judgemental stares from the boys. He felt like he was being crucified by their eyes.

"I'm snitching on you," Hoseok said quickly with the phone already in his ear.

His eyes grew wide and he was swift to grab the phone from him, "Don't," he warned.

"Give us a reason why," Namjoon crossed his arms over his chest and looked at him, "We're not tolerating this."

"None of your business," he simply said while brushing his one hand on his face, turning off Hoseok's phone too.

"Let me just handle this. I just need to attend to some things. Really. Not that you guys need to know but I will tell her myself," Taehyung answered. He doesn't even know why he is explaining himself.

"Do you have another girlfriend or a mistress?!" Jimin exclaimed dramatically as if he was the one being betrayed.

"What the hell?!" Taehyung reacted in disgust and disbelief, "No! Why would I?! I won't!" he responded with quite aggravation more than what he wanted to express, much to his surprise and regret.

"Oh, so you admit Jisoo's your girlfriend?" Jimin's tone quickly turn into a teasing one, even wiggling his eyebrows, "I said another girlfriend and you denied it but if another is used, means there's an original girlfriend and it implies that it's Jisoo since—"

"You think you're so smart with that, huh? Then Mr. Detective, why can't you use that brain of yours to figure out that you are really getting on my nerves now, huh?" Taehyung swore he wanted to put a tape on Jimin's mouth to shut him up.

Because he knows the guy is hitting places he is trying to ignore. And it's just so bad for him when he does everything just to avoid it.

"He's clearly self-in denial," Hoseok laughed as his arm was placed on Jimin's shoulder, leaning to the shorter and eyeing Taehyung.

They definitely looked like they were bullying him. Maybe because they kind of do.

"Fuck, I'm losing my patience with y'all—" Taehyung was beyond frustrated when his phone rang so he was fast to swipe and answer.

"What do you fucking want?!" he yelled, pouring his boiled up anger to whoever is on the other line.

"Well we want you to fucking show up, fucker! We're being chased, douchebag!" Jin's voice echoed very loudly that the four guys stopped when they heard him over the phone. It wasn't even on a loudspeaker.

"Bullshit," Taehyung cursed as he ended the call before automatically starting to run.

The three meet sometimes in a secret spot outside the underground place. It's definitely where Jin and Suga will be heading. He has no idea why they were being chased since it never happened before but it will be a big trouble since this is a matter which even reached outside the underground. What happens there, should remain there, so if they were being run after beyond the area.

He was near the said location when his mind cleared up, making him finally notice the sound of feet catching up behind him. He had an awful intuition about turning behind to look.

Taehyung faced them and saw the four guys he thought he had left, "Why the hell are you following me?!"

"Because you just lied to Jisoo and now," Jimin reasoned. He could only grunt in annoyance.

"Plus! We're friends now and it wouldn't be so much of a lie if you bring us with you, huh? Great idea, right? Whatever it is, we can surely tag along," Jimin added.

"You don't know what you are getting yourselves into just because you wanted to be nosy and irritating—"

"Brought a pack with you, huh? Backup? Good," a Jin who was catching his breath suddenly appeared, his hands on his knees. Suga is also breathless, his sharp eyes eyeing them but he remained silent with his hands on his hips.

"Backup? What do you mean?" Namjoon picked up something he didn't like. He cannot put his finger on it but now, his gut feel is telling me that something is not right.

They heard a crash from somewhere nearby, all their heads turning in that direction, "We need to hide, quick!" Jin uttered, and the four clueless guys were in panic.

"What the hell is happening?" Hoseok said under his breath but he had no time to process it or he would be left out as they run into an alley.

—

"SO HOW did we get ourselves into this again?" Jungkook asked the other six guys he is with now. They are currently behind a dumpster, hiding from whoever was said to chase after them.

"Because Jimin wanted his freaking bonding," Namjoon answered in a low voice.

"I just wanted pizza with all of you and when I said I wanted to be a male lead earlier, I never said I wanted action... I prefer romance or comedy," Jimin responded in an offended tone.

"Fuck. Stop whispering they'll hear us! Are you even thinking?" Jin glared at the four men who he still didn't know the names of nor who the hell they were.

"Uh, that's why we are 'whispering' because we are trying not to be heard?" Jimin sarcastically answered him.

"I swear to God, someone will have their mouth stitched any second from now," Suga interrupted the conversation and glared at him. Jimin was supposed to answer back but he somehow felt chills because of how sharp Suga's stares are.

"Sshh! They're near," Taehyung hushed them up and miraculously succeeded in making them shut up.

They heard the steps of the guys chasing them, they talked for a while until they heard the footsteps slowly fading away.

Minutes passed, Jungkook stood up and scanned the area. "Uh, maybe they are gone now?" Jungkook said so the other six guys also stood up but the moment Taehyung did, Suga pushed him hard to the wall and punched him in the face.

Jin winced and whistled. He knew that Suga would do that because he was beaten up earlier at the ring as three men teamed up against him since he substituted for a player. He substituted for Taehyung without proper process. Technically, no one will feel happy about that.

"Whoa! Calm down!" Jimin looked away and flinched, "Why are you acting weird?! Are you some gangsters?! That's so last year, guys!" he exclaimed but went to stand behind his bulkier friend, Namjoon.

Namjoon didn't say a word, trying to understand the whole situation. How did a study session turn into this?

Hoseok whispered, "Should we call the cops?"

"Looks like it's something they should settle," Jungkook commented while they faded into the background as Suga was furiously shouting at Taehyung.

"What the hell is happening with you?! I can't believe you are ditching us for weeks now! I expected Jin to back off first than you! I was beaten up earlier because of your irresponsibility! I was the one put on the spot because I was fighting along with you! I don't know what the fuck are you on, but I don't want any shit in it!" he forcefully let go of Taehyung's shirt and stepped backwards but is still glaring at him.

"That was your fight. You signed up for that so you must show up. That's the only way to resolve this and for you to join again or step again in the underground," Jin interrupted.

Namjoon, Jimin, Hoseok and Jungkook looked at each other, bewildered by what they heard. They weren't entirely sure of what the strangers had been muttering but they got a little idea. To make things even more confusing, Taehyung finally speaks up.

"I'm quitting. I'm not coming back."

A minute of silence passed between them. Jin and Suga stared at him in shock. The four guys only watched them.

"What?" Suga can't believe what he is hearing. There is something different about Taehyung now. He certainly never expected this from him.

The Taehyung he knew didn't care about the world or himself. All he had with him is anger directed towards something he doesn't know. He has been walking filled with so much hatred ever since he met him. This was a different person. He looked at the eyes of the man in front of him.

"I'm quitting," Taehyung repeated.

Gone were the loathing his eyes always have reflected.

It has life in it now. No, it wasn't the brightest pair of eyes but... it was lighter than it used to.

Suga turned his back and sighed loudly, his hands on his hips. He looked at Jin who just shrugged at him, telling him he also isn't sure of the sudden change of heart.

"Is this because of the girl last time?" Suga suddenly said and faced Taehyung again.

Well, there is only one reason he can think of. After all, Taehyung only started to act weirdly after his scene with the girl last time. And that night, the way he saw those two... there's just really something about them. Some sort of connection, perhaps too strong, that even he felt it.

"Who? Girl... Wait, it's not Jisoo right?" Jin asked, alarmed. Involving his cousin suddenly had him very concerned.

And that being said, the attention of the other four was also caught by the last question.

"Jisoo?" they all said together.

"Answer me," Suga looked at Taehyung seriously again.

Taehyung can only stare back at him. When he decided to cut off the horrid parts of his past, he knew it would be hard but perhaps he miscalculated.

Before he could answer, they looked at the thugs who appeared, standing at the entrance of the alley.

"Uh, they're not your friends, surely?" Namjoon gulped as he eyed the newcomers.

The three men were obviously older and bigger than all seven of them combined so the numbers don't really make them feel any better. They have baseball bats with them, cracking their bones while looking at them as if they were prey cornered.

Jin, Suga, and Taehyung cursed under their breath. Those are not some easy enemy standing in front of them.

"Oh hello there, fucktards. We finally found y'all," the muscular bald man said and grinned in front of them, showing his golden tooth.

Hoseok started shaking but he quietly dialed an emergency number at his back. Taehyung quickly grabbed a steel tube lying near them while Suga rushed to break off a rusty water spout beside the dumpster. Jin took a trash can lid and stood in a stance.

"Are we gearing up? What should I do?" Jimin finally started panicking.

"Don't die," Taehyung dismissively said.

"Nah man, we're going to die in the hands of some ruffians harassing us here in some 7th street alley! Like, right now!" Hoseok said aloud as the men lunged towards them.

It has been a messy day but everything went a lot more downhill until all they were thinking in unison was... Fucking shit.

—

"YOU CANNOT deny we're friends anymore," Jimin tried to joke and lighten the mood, "To good and bad times!"

"For Pete's sake! We're in a fucking police station, Jimin!" Namjoon slumped on his seat, pissed off. He felt bad for lashing out on his friend but he can't believe he is in this kind of situation right now. Never has he once broken a rule and now it seems that his record will be tainted.

"Actually maybe prison is better than coming home with bruises and my mother seeing this," Hoseok said so Jimin won't feel the burden of trying to cheer up the room.

"Hah," Suga scoffed, "Mommy's boy, huh?" he eyed Hoseok, acting a little too indifferent for the kind of situation they are in.

"Yeah and?" Hoseok raised a brow at him.

"Do I call my lawyer?" Jungkook asked and looked at them. He has been quiet but he was also pretty scared for his life earlier.

They held up a good fight, sort of. But if it weren't for the cops arriving after some time, they knew that they would probably be in a hospital instead. All seven of them had at least scratches and cuts but Jin, Suga, and Taehyung had it worse. They did most of the fighting and tried to let the other four not take a beating.

They were interrogated earlier after being taken but fortunately, the men they fought were indeed wanted criminals so they were locked up in cells. However, they still won't be let go easily and it has been more than an hour since they were brought there. Jin and Taehyung made a call while the rest remained troubled by how fast things happened.

"Call the saints," Jin responded to Jungkook and just looked at Taehyung beside him.

"Shut the fuck up," Taehyung simply said in a grim tone, "I will get you all out of here. No records."

Namjoon looked at his way silently with his eyebrow perked up, How can he do that?

"Oh, who are you? Clark Kent aka Batman?" Jimin rolled his eyes and rested his head on the wall behind him.

"It's Bruce Wayne for Batman. Clark Kent is Superman. How can you get that wrong?" Jungkook sighed.

"Sorry, maybe I like Marvel more," Jimin just uttered before closing his eyes to rest.

Taehyung wanted to explode. He can't believe he is in this kind of situation again. It was the last thing he wanted. He is making amends, not trying to go back the path he once was.

But the past is not something you can easily throw out of the window anytime you decide to.

Suddenly, a policeman and a man in a suit walked towards them. Taehyung looked at the same familiar stranger who is always his lawyer for most of his troubles.

"You guys are all cleared. No need to worry, this case was settled," the policeman said and gestured to the man behind him.

"That fast?" Jimin blurted out, surprised.

"You can fucking stay here," Suga told him sarcastically as he stood in his feet, stretching his limbs and yawning.

"Why is everyone grumpy?" Jimin laughed awkwardly.

"Not sure, dude. Maybe because we were in some gang fight earlier and almost in prison," Hoseok tapped him on the shoulder, "Well, at least we're getting out. Glad I survived with you."

Their voices and bickers faded when Taehyung walked to the lawyer. As much as possible, he tried not to ask for any help but he had no choice. He knew this would come with a price later on.

The stoic man in glasses told him, "The Master would want you to go to the mansion."

Taehyung massaged his wrist, the handcuffs were a little tight earlier, "I'll call him soon," he dismissively answered.

"The Master sent me here to get you out and bring you ho—" the man paused when he was shot with daggers by Taehyung's eyes.

"I said, I will call him soon," he repeated.

Namjoon was watching from afar, even if he couldn't hear them. He observed their conversation until Taehyung walked out. He hushed the other guys and told them they should leave. He said a small thank you to Taehyung's lawyer as what he assumed, before they followed the way out.

When he stepped outside the station, Taehyung was welcomed by a running Jisoo.

"Why are you here?" his eyes went wide and he felt his heart sink, "Who told—" he paused and flung his arms around her as she jumped to cling onto his neck and hug him tight.

"I told her," Jin suddenly spoke from behind, the five guys also following him, breaking their short embrace.

"What the—" Taehyung backed away and looked at Jisoo before telling her, "You should be home. It's already past 6PM."

"And you should not be just getting out of prison," she responded in a serious tone, making him shut up in an instant.

Suga stared at how Jisoo handled Taehyung. And he knew he was right. He knew all this fiasco was because of her.

Whether it is a good or bad thing... That, he didn't know.

The boys tried to look away to give some privacy and Jin tried to leave the scene before she— "Seokjin, you are not getting away with this too," Jisoo uttered in a warning tone, making him stop on his tracks.

He gave her a hesitant smile, "Actually... I will," he told her while he started backing away, before entirely turning his back, "Sorry, love you! Favorite cousin ever!" he yelled while running away for his life.

"Come back here!" Jisoo stomped her feet to chase after her cousin but Taehyung pulled her to stop.

"Hey, just let him. You don't know where he is running off too, it's dangerous. You can scold him next time," he uttered.

Jisoo huffed but also let it go and abided.

"If you're gonna quit, quit properly," Suga spoke, getting their attention and he shot glares at Taehyung.

"See this?" he pointed at the bruises on his face, "I don't accept beatings for no shits. We're not over," he added before walking away without another word.

Taehyung wasn't able to say anything back but he knew Suga was right. And he messed up a lot. Yet he still remains determined to quit. It's probably longer and harder but he cannot give it up already.

Jisoo looked at the five guys left. She tried to piece whatever information she has right now. Her forehead is creased before she confronts Taehyung first.

"I thought you were supposed to be hanging out? What is so fun about prison?" she asked, a tone of disappointment in her voice.

The boys could only gulp. Gone was the sweet girl and there was an intimidating woman in front of them. She wasn't shouting or exactly getting mad but something about the way she is speaking right now is... scary.

"I tried to stop them all," Jimin sheepishly smiled.

"No, you did not!" the remaining guys said in unison, making Jisoo flinch a little in shock.

"Who's telling the truth here?" she looked at them one by one but they did not dare to meet her. She sighed and stared at her longest friend.

"Hoseok?" he called him, making him jump on his feet.

"Jisoo?" he hesitantly called back and gave her a strained smile.

Jisoo smiled back, with an obvious warning in her lips, "What happened?"

"Uh..." Hoseok scratched the back of his neck and tried to maintain eye contact, "Wasn't really sure. We just tagged along and uh... Taehyung said don't, but we didn't listen. That's on us. Although we were shocked by the situation we were in... Taehyung said he'll be the one to explain everything to you."

"Yeah, I take the blame. It's on me," Taehyung seconded when Jisoo looked at him.

"Fine. You guys should rest and get treated. Are you okay?" Jisoo's voice finally softened and they nodded in guilt.

"Sorry for making a mess," Jungkook said, "We didn't know... or want anything like this," he continued.

The four boys decided to leave the two alone after. It seemed like they had a long talk due. So Taehyung and Jisoo remained the only ones in the middle of the empty parking lot in front of the police station.

Great. Now that I need their loud, annoying asses, they leave. Fucking leaving when I wasn't asking and tailing me when I wanted them gone. Ugh.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do Taehyung Kim," Jisoo stared at him intently.

Shit. It's Taehyung Kim and not Taehyungie.

Taehyung seriously felt his body run cold. He gulped, feeling his heart hammering but out of nervousness. It's like he is being interrogated badly. Worse than all the interrogations he has ever been through.

Maybe getting beaten by the thugs earlier would've been better than this.

—

"I'M HERE," Taehyung held his phone up and moved to show the living room at his back.

Jisoo shifted to face the other side on her bed, "It's alright. I trust you. No need to video call."

"Just wanted to clear it..." he mumbled while walking to his room.

He heard Jisoo sigh and she went serious, "I didn't like that you lied. I understand why you hid it but I didn't like it. I know you won't always do that, you rarely lie but I don't want this to happen again. I want you to know that this is not okay."

"Don't you know how shocked I am when someone called me and said you guys were in prison? I don't know what to think when I hear it," Jisoo continued.

They had a long talk and explanation earlier as Taehyung walked her home. He confessed everything to her, not leaving any detail because the guilt has been eating him up and he felt really bad. He didn't want her to think that he is regressing back to his old bad habits.

"I was worried something bad happened. I would've worried less if you said something earlier. You get me?" Jisoo softly asked him, staring at his image on the screen.

"Hm," Taehyung nodded while he plopped down his bed, kicking off his shoes as he watched her on the other line.

"I'm sorry," he apologized for the nth time ever since their talk on the way home.

"I'm not mad," Jisoo assured him, "I was only disappointed that you lied and I was worried but it's alright now. Still, you're not doing this again, okay?" she told him.

"Okay," Taehyung nodded obediently, "Sorry," he whispered once more.

"Stop saying sorry," Jisoo smiled at him, trying to lift his mood up. She doesn't want him to overthink that she is mad at him now because she is sure he has the tendency to, so she wanted to let him know that even if sometimes they might have disagreements, it doesn't mean she is leaving.

It will probably take a long time but she decided to be patient.

"When you're forgiven, it's okay to stop saying sorry anymore," Jisoo added firmly.

Taehyung looked at her with both fondness and sadness in his eyes. He feels like he is being too much most of the time. No matter how hard he tries to be better for her, he screws it up and always makes her adjust for him in the end.

"I just..." he fumbled in his words, looking away from her gaze, "I don't want you to hate me," he whispered softly, his voice on the brink of breaking.

"I won't," her answer was quick.

She gives him answers faster than his demons could whisper in his ear, faster than the looming shadows can drown him, faster than all the self-hatred can sink in.

She willingly gives him a remedy before he even finds out he needs healing.

Taehyung noticed Jisoo yawning, his lips almost broke into a smile, "You should sleep," he told her.

"Mhm... We should sleep," she groggily said and yawned again.

"I doubt I can but you should," he retorted.

Jisoo's brows furrowed as she looked at him in the camera, "Why?"

"Sleep is hard to make, awful to have for me," Taehyung shrugged.

"Do you want a lullaby?" she offered him and hugged a pillow near her.

"What am I? A baby? Hah," he scoffed, "I'll listen if you sing, though," he also grumbled after, making her laugh her heart out.

"Fine. I insist," she said and started humming.

Taehyung heaved a deep sigh as he continued listening to Jisoo's hymn. He was lying on his bed and even if she wasn't there, the warmth and solace that her presence always gives him, soothes through his body.

Taehyung wanted to keep her. Badly. Terribly. Desperately. She's the only person who stayed with him. She made him believe that maybe it is not yet too late. Maybe this is not yet his end. Maybe he can start anew.

And yes, he is willing to start anew.

He is tracing back the ghosts of his footsteps, despite knowing it will open up wounds he hid and forgot about... or tried his best to.

In the middle of watching her softly sing and hum, the words escaped his lips.

"I want to keep you," he said.

Jisoo was taken aback that she paused. Taehyung sounded like he is pleading and it is his first time to be vocal about what he is feeling. She has no idea what happened, but she is sure there is something.

She didn't know what to say for a minute but she smiled at him. No matter how hard he is on himself, he has gone a long way already.

"Sure, I would love to see that. Keep me well, okay?" she happily whispered.

That night, under the moon and the stars, in the midst of the silent darkness, they started a world of their own. Where only they are the ones to understand one another.

And it was the most serene feeling both have felt in a while.

The humming turned into a hush and they found themselves in a small talk... that lasted longer, and longer, and longer.

Jisoo was giggling about the story she shared about an encounter in her part-time job the other day. Their conversation continued without them even caring what time it already is. It is almost 2:00 AM yet they were so engrossed in their own bubble, they didn't notice it.

Suddenly, Jisoo yawned unconsciously again. Taehyung snickered, "Hey sleepyhead, you wanna hang up now?"

No. She didn't want to, really. But her eyes want to close already.

And then suddenly, she had an idea. "Uh... Yeah, yeah. But... I have a request!"

"Tsk, what is it?"
"Sing with me!"

Taehyung thought he heard it wrong and perhaps his brain was fried over the long phone talk but she blinked at him on the screen.

"Come on, I'm the only one who's always singing here. Just one time, sing with me, then we'll hang up," on the other line, Jisoo was really pouting and crossing her fingers, hoping that he would agree.

"Uh, no," he refused.

"You can! You just need to try. Don't be scared, I'm here!"

"I don't think this is a good idea, stupid."

Jisoo frowned and insisted, "I'll be singing first then you follow. You remember the song I always sing to you, right?"

"Yeah but— "

Jisoo started singing, "♫ Lift your head, baby don't be scared."

There was still no response from Taehyung.

"Of the things that could go wrong along the way ♫" she continued and encouraged him with expectant eyes from the screen.

"♫ You'll get by, with a smile... You can't win at everything but you can try," she sighed. Well, maybe he really doesn't want to—

"♫ Baby you don't have to worry,"

His raspy voice echoed as he continued after her.

"♫ Cause there ain't no need to hurry
No one ever said that there's an easy way ♫"

He stared right into her eyes, letting his voice out.

Jisoo almost squealed at the top of her lungs when she heard Taehyung sing. She was amazed that he had such a golden voice. She smiled widely, feeling her heart leap, and joining him after.

"♫ When they're closing all the doors
And they don't want you anymore
This sounds funny but I'll say it anyway♫"

Their voices melted with each other. They sank in the pit of their lullaby together. It felt like the kind of falling that is wonderful.

Taehyung closed eyes. He is actually expecting a flashing chain of memories about the day of his nightmares when it all ruined everything for him but instead, new chains of memories replaced it.

A hundred of her smiles and a hundred of her laughters.

He didn't mind if it becomes thousands, millions, infinite images of her when he looks back.

Taehyung is scared of the past. Because there lies the demons he is trying to run away from. Every time he looks back, all he sees are shambles from his memory box— not until Jisoo entered his life.

She gave him new colorful memories. The only colorful one painted in his dark world and now, for the first time, as he looks back, there is something worth going back for.

Yes, she's the memory he treasures.

Forever would.

Taehyung noticed that he is the only one singing and when he looked at her on the other line, he saw her heaving deep breaths, eyes closed, "Hey Stupid?"

"Stupidiot?" he called her again, trying to see if she would respond but she remained unmoving and looked like she was soundly sleeping. She really slept on him, huh?

Slowly, a smile made its way on his lips. He was feeling so light, he almost forgot how it felt, until this very moment.

He was a collector of sadness, hatred, wrath, loneliness, and every awful feeling thrown at him. He didn't know what to do with them and he needed company aside from his demons so he treated it as if it was a treasure chest. Perhaps it will cease the emptiness in him.

Little did he know, all it takes is her.

All it takes is her to fill the void in him.

A keeper of bad things finally found something good to keep.

A keeper of bad things is now ready to let go just to hold something new.

He was a keeper of bad things, but he wanted to keep her.

"Sweet dreams, Jisoo."