(trigger warning for caps lock and language)

(hey merry xmas guys [update: not anymore lmfao] [update 2: like ministry said- everyday is xmas. wait...)

"This has got to be the longest project we've ever worked on," Riddler growled. "The idiots I... we work with are to blame."

Scarecrow, whose linen cowl was set next to Riddler's untied mask, smiled his forced-looking smile. In this case, it wasn't really forced like he had trained it to be — he agreed with Riddler, but Scarecrow's personality was snarky no matter who he was talking to.

"Yes," Scarecrow rasped. His voice modulating mic was still attached to his forehead. He didn't bother to take it off — it made him sound badass anyway.

"But at least you were assigned to someone who is... intellectually matched," Scarecrow said (it was half a reluctant compliment and half a brag).

It was quiet, but not silent with the scribbling of Riddler's dying pen. Eventually, Riddler admitted, "I suppose."

Scarecrow took his glasses from his side of their shared desk and perched them on his nose. He slid the paper Riddler was writing on closer, then turned it right-side-up (they sat across from each other). He skimmed through it, then handed it back.

"There's only one issue with the plan," Scarecrow said.

Riddler looked slightly appalled. "What?"

Scarecrow sat back in his chair. He folded his hands on the desk. "If I use my fear toxin on them as a distraction, you won't be able to say your riddles."

Riddler repeated, "What?"

"They're your trademark," Scarecrow reminded him — a little patronizing, a little questioning.

With narrowed eyes and a tight frown, Riddler snatched up the paper. With his other hand, he gestured wildly, saying, "The fear toxin is a better and more reliable distraction. You of all people should know. The riddles are more theatrical — that's why it's my trademark. It's also self indulgent; I enjoy teasing brains, especially the Batman's, but you should know that he doesn't often take the time to give them thought." He paused to mutter: "Killjoy."

He continued, "Riddles only manipulate the brains of those who give them thought. Those people are either smart enough to answer them but dumb enough to enjoy their frivolity or simple idiots who can't understand the question—"

Scarecrow smiled, more genuine this time, humored. "Did you just admit to being stupid?"

Riddler's face was one of pondering for a quick second before twisting into one of outrage.

"NO!" Riddler hollered. He gestured wilder — "I don't count! I use these riddles on people and the only reason I indulge in them is to advance my knowledge!"

Scarecrow chuckled and leaned on his hand.

Riddler was pretty whether he was explaining intelligently or ranting, provoked. Scarecrow couldn't decide which side of him he liked better.

(hi guys welcome back to my scriddler oneshot book /j)