~

Being in a poly relationship with Harley and Ivy was just as crazy as it sounded, but you loved it. The thrill made everything feel more like a girl's night out than a crime; you were best friends first and foremost, and you each remembered it well. You were always there to pay for their bail, defend Harley from the Joker, send petitions to the mayor for the safety of Ivy's plants, help them out of any trouble they got into with other rogues. Nobody ever noticed the civilian in those situations, anyway.

As fun as tangoing with their lifestyle was, though, there was also a domestic side that you loved just as much.

Some mornings you woke up sandwiched between the two. Harley liked to little spoon, you had discovered quickly.

Other mornings you would wake up alone, though you could hear Ivy cooking breakfast in your small apartment's kitchen, arguing with Harley over whether tea or coffee was better.

She would go about the house, caring for her various plants everywhere. Harley would talk you into a round of Mortal Kombat on the beat up but fully functional Playstation 4 she had brought home, or she would join you on the balcony, taking one of your earbuds and singing with you softly while she let you take the occasional drag of her cigarette.

You'd get takeout for dinner and bring it home to eat on the couch, bingeing shows and movies until Ivy, who could go the longest without sleep out of the three of you, would drag you and Harley into bed.

It wasn't an ideal life, but it was a good one.

And it was going to get even better, as you were soon to find out.

~

Ivy moved her hand over your arm, letting the tiny vines curl into a henna pattern up your flesh while you scrolled through your phone.

It was a quiet afternoon with a light drizzle going on outside. Actually, every afternoon these days was quiet. You and the girls had been laying low, stepping away from crime, just for a little bit, at least. You weren't complaining. It was nice, having them all to yourself, bundled up in your little apartment.

The quiet, however, would not last for long, as Harley, fresh from a shopping spree, burst through the door, kicking it shut behind her with one high-heeled boot.

Ivy's vines tickled your skin as they retreated back to their mother at the noise.

Breathless, Harley dropped her armful of shopping bags to the floor, panting as she hurried to the living room to collapse on the couch.

You wrinkled your brow, noticing her hiding something within the confines of her coat, but let it pass, too concerned for her well-being to bring it up now.

"Harley! What happened out there?" Ivy asked, concerned, kneeling down in front of her and brushing a wet strand of blonde hair out of her face.

Still panting, the jester beckoned you both closer.

"Had... to cut the trip short... get me one of Red's immunity thingies and a bottle, would you, sugar?"

You didn't need to be asked twice to let Harley's hand slip from your grasp as you wandered to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle locked away in a cupboard of the solution Ivy had insisted that the both of you drink when moving in together, lest you be poisoned by the toxins that consistently followed her around.

"They don't call me Poison for nothing", she had said.

You screwed the cap off, gagging, remembering the taste.

"Make sure to mix it with somethin'!" Harley called. "Milk, probably".

You made sure the mixture was blended properly, still shaking the bottle as you returned to the couch and handed it to her.

"What's this all about, Harls?" you asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

You were beginning to grow suspicious, just a little bit.

Harley grinned as she pulled her jacket open, revealing a tiny bundle wrapped up in her arms.

"Here you go, baby", she said happily, gently pressing the bottle to the little baby boy's lips.

Both you and Ivy gaped at the tiny thing.

You finally reached forward to stroke a hand over his head.

"Oh, he's so cute!" you breathed. "So that's why you wanted the immunization. And the milk".

Harley nodded, blue eyes the happiest you had ever seen them. The baby coughed at the taste of the mixture, and she carefully lifted him over her shoulder, gently patting his back.

You laughed.

"That was my reaction, too, buddy", you grinned. You glanced over at Ivy, simply watching Harley tend to your guest.

"What do you think, babe?" you asked, reaching over to squeeze her hand.

She slowly rose to sit beside Harley on the couch and reached for the boy.

"May I?" she asked carefully.

Harley nodded, making funny faces to appease the child as she lowered him into Ivy's arms.

You nearly combusted when he reached a tiny fist up to play with her red curls.

Even Ivy, you could tell, was trying to hold a smile in. And only half succeeding. She began to rock him, slowly, in her arms, almost afraid to hurt him, completely unused to children as she was.

"Where did you find him?" you asked Harley softly as she dropped her head over the back of the couch, exhausted.

"Somewhere in an alleyway, poor thing. All alone in the rain like that. I couldn't just leave him there".

You watched the child fall asleep in Ivy's arms, blinking his eyes up at her a few times before dozing off. She finally allowed herself to smile.

"But Harley... a boy?" she teased.

You laughed and nudged her.

"At least you can raise this one to be right", you pointed out, knowing how much Ivy hated the men of Gotham.

Harley shifted her puppy-dog eyes from the baby to Ivy, poking her lower lip out for extra effect.

"Can we keep him, Red? Pleaseee?" she begged.

Ivy sighed, ceasing her rocking movements. She passed him to you, and you eagerly accepted him.

He was so small, and so innocent. You already loved him and didn't want to let him go.

"Harley, we're criminals", Ivy said pointedly. "Except for Y/N. And she's not going to want to be stuck at home with a baby all the time. This isn't permanent, Harls. We're going to get pulled back into the thick of it eventually".

"Actually", you spoke up, grinning. "Y/N is perfectly fine with raising a baby with the two of you. He's all alone, Ivy. You know how the foster care system and orphanages treat children here. And I'm sure as hell not putting him back on the streets. He's lucky Harley was the one who found him. God knows who's hands he could've ended up in".

You pulled your own eyes on your girlfriend, clutching the sleeping baby boy to your chest.

"Come on, Ives. You know I'm right".

You lifted the baby up by his underarms, holding him out in front of her, forcing her to look at his cute little face.

Ivy bit her lip, before letting out a heavy breath.

"Fine", she grumbled, even though she was secretly happy to be keeping the little thing around. "But you two are changing him. And feeding him. And toilet training him. And you..."

She booped his nose with the tip of her nail, letting a faint smile paint her lips.

"... no crying in the middle of the night. Understand?"

Harley squealed happily, scooping the newest member of your little family out of your arms while you placed your hands on your hips, amused.

"And what are you going to do, Ives?" you questioned teasingly.

She threw you a smirk over her shoulder.

"Exactly what you said, doll. Making sure he turns out right".