School started back a few days after New Years Eve and I was already swamped with school work. I'm pretty sure teachers get a kick out of seeing their students stressed out. I really don't like them and I made it known when I gave them a scowl instead of a smile when they greeted me coming into their classrooms. Don't judge me, I saw other students do it as well.

In addition to school starting back, cheer practice started back as well. I was pumped, I finally had something to do other than going home. Anytime I was out practicing I noticed a certain brown haired boy standing around the parking lot. I haven't seen Nick in the halls like I did before break, I suppose he was back to using whatever secret passage to get to and from class.

One day I found myself standing outside the AV room ready to knock but I chickened out. I was finding it very difficult to face him. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to talk to him but I had no clue how to start. Did I owe him an apology? Or do I just strike up a random conversation like we used to do? Lacey told me to grow some balls and talk to him but clearly I wasn't succeeding.

It was now Friday of the second week back and I was at Tyson's trying get some down time. The past few weeks have been draining and I just needed some alone time. And I was hoping to see Nick come in. I was fully aware I was bordering on stalker but I couldn't help it. I wanted to see him even if it was just a glance. One glance can turn into so much hope.

I have been sitting at a booth in the corner for over an hour now and the one time I look up is the one time I get scared the shit out of. I practically jump in my seat when I see Catherine Barron standing there with a confused look and holding a box.

"Catherine." I say taking out my ear buds.

"Hi. I've been trying to get your attention but I can see why you didn't hear me. Those wireless ear buds are sneaky little boogers." She laughs.

"Oh. Yeah." I chuckle.

"Can I sit?" She asks pointing to the empty seat on the other side of the booth.

"Umm..." I mumble and look around for anyone else who might be with her.

"Nick isn't here. Just me." She answers my thought.

"Oh. I wasn't looking." I lie scratching my forehead.

Catherine chuckles lightly, "Yeah you were." I sigh. "You listen to music while you read?" She asks.

"Yes. Classical music. Helps me focus." I correct.

"I see. You would need complete focus while reading Moby Dick. Was that your choice or your teacher's?" She quirks a brow.

"Teacher. Before the break he assigned each of her classes a book to read and do a report on over the break. Mine got Moby Dick." I explain.

Catherine lets out a whistle, "Wow. But why are you still reading it? Your break is over."

"None of us did the assignment. As punishment, my teacher is doing a lesson on the book and all of us have to read out loud in class then do a report on it." I say.

"Okay. Why are you reading outside of school if you are reading it in class?" She questions in amusement.

"The first five kids who finish the book and turn in their report gets a free pass from class. I'm hoping to be one of them. I can't take another day of the reading a loud. It puts me to sleep." I laugh. If I sleep in class then I won't sleep at night, then I am tired during the day. Its a repetitive cycle.

"Well good luck to you." She smiles.

"Thanks. Um...what are you doing her by yourself?" I ask curiously.

"Oh. I was craving a slice of the brownie cheesecake. I decided to order one and pick it up." She explains.

"A slice?" I furrow my brows.

"My parents and Charlie like it as well, figured I would get a whole one to take home." She says. "Do you want a slice?"

I hold my hands up, "No. Can't have chocolate. I'm allergic."

Catherine curses under her breath and mutters something about if Nick knew what she just asked me he would kill her. I do my best to ignore it.

Catherine grabs the attention of a passing waitress, "Hi. Can I get a whole strawberry cheesecake for mt friend. Make sure there's no chocolate used " The waitress writes down her order then walks back to her station.

"Uhh..." I stutter.

"Oh. It's a gesture and an apology for me almost killing you with my cheesecake." Catherine says with a frown.

"That's sweet of you but I'm not upset." I counter.

"Well I'm hoping the cheesecake will soften the cushion of what I'm about to tell you." She says with a sad tone.

"Oh. What is it?" I ask suddenly nervous.

Catherine takes a deep breath and releases it. "I know about Emily."

My heart stops and my jaw drops, "Did Nick?"

Catherine shakes her head no, "I knew before he found out."

"How...how is that possible?" I ask.

"When we came to Kennedy Prep for the Fall Formal, I saw the memorial of Emily hanging in the lobby." She confesses.

Ah yes. That memorial was put there by the board not long after Emily left us. They say it was to remind us not to bully but we all know it was put there to ease the minds of parents. Some parents felt unsafe sending their kids to a school where three girls bullied one kid so bad she took her own life. The school had a memorial made to asure parents their kids were in a safe environment. And they were after the girls got kicked out. And to this day I don't enter or exit through that lobby, I always use a different entrance. Lacey and Phillip don't use the lobby entrance either.

"Okay. But that memorial doesn't say what happened to her." I point out.

"No, it doesn't." Catherine shifts in her sit, "At the beginning of December my dad had all of his employees over for a thank you dinner. Sharon Foster works for mt dad so she was there. The name rang a bell so I put two and two together."

Sharon Foster does work for Mr.Barron. she has worked for him for about ten years. I completely forgot about that.

"During the dinner I heard my dad mention how he was helping Sharon with a charity walk. He didn't really shed any light on it during the dinner but afterwards I asked my dad what the charity was for and he told me. My dad knew Charlie and I had hung with you and Lacey, he told me about Emily." She finishes.

Wow. I am speechless.

"If you've known that longer why didn't you come talk to me?" I couldn't help but ask.

Catherine sighs, "I was going to but when we were all at lunch after sledding your little brother said something about you and Lacey. I thought that it might have something to do with Emily and I did not want to bring it up."

I nod my head in understanding, "Did Charlie know?"

"Nope. He wasn't there at the dinner. He knows now, I told him." She says.

Wait what?

"Nick didn't tell him?" I ask.

"No. All he said was there was something going on with you and it wasn't his place to tell anyone. So I told Charlie." Catherine explained.

So Nick hasn't told anyone? I thought he would have. If he hasn't told anyone, then that means he is holding it in. That isn't good.

"How is he? Nick, I mean." I was now concered about him.

A worried look takes over Catherine's face, "He's...um...Nick is...hmm. He is sparring with Charlie, Logan and Jay right now. All he is done here lately is spar."

Shit.

This is just like when he and Johnny got into a fight at Jamie's party. That fight was all my fault. Now this is my fault. He is upset because I told him something that you normally don't hear. I messed him up.

I put my head in my hands. "This is my fault."

"No. No Taylor it isn't. Nick is a very simple guy. He's worried about you. He is frustrated because he doesn't know how to help you." Catherine says. "Which brings me to ask: How are you doing?" She asks slowly.

"I'm doing better. My and Lacey's parents suggested we see a grief counselor." I shrug.

"Really?" Catherine asks. I nod my head. "How was that?"

"At first, difficult and hard. In the end she helped us. Lacey and I had a long talk in the cemetery and we are great. We had a very good talk with Mr. and Mrs.Foster. Phillip, Lacey and I got tattoos in honor of Emily." I list off.

"You seem better. I didn't see you during that time but from what Nick said you were pretty upset." Catherine comments with a caring smile.

Considering I have only had two therapy sessions I was doing pretty good so far. After I told my parents I thought Emily's death was my fault it felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. My parents helped me as did Lacey. The grief counselor helps too, she listens and knows exactly what to say to us. I was still of course trying to break the habit of playing with my bracelet, I knew breaking it wasn't going to happen overnight and I was content with that.

The point is I was doing a lot better in just a few short weeks. If I had let my walls down sooner, I may have been doing way better by now. Oh well, we all handle grief in different ways and at our own pace.
"Thanks, Catherine. I am doing better. Honest." I say with a smile.

"That's great. If you want I can tell Nick that." She suggests.

"Um...he may prefer to hear it from me but I'm not really ready to talk to him just yet. I'm still trying to find the right words." I admit.

"Of course." Catherine agrees.

"Thank you for talking to me. I know...I know I haven't been that friendly to you. Clearly us prep school kids are brats. I'm sorry." I say.

Catherine waves a hand, "Nonsense. You were going through a lot. If I recall, I did ask if you would consider us being friends. That offer still stands, Taylor."

"Are you sure?" I ask and she nods. "Okay...then Catherine Barron will you give me and Lacey another chance and be our friend?"

A wide grin appears on Catherine's face, "Yes."

Wow, look at me making a new friend without Lacey around. She will be so proud of me. The only only thing I'm worried about is Nick. He and I aren't really friends at the moment and if he finds out before I have the chance to talk to him, he might not like it. He is pretty protective over his friends.

It was Saturday and I spent the morning with my grandparents. They requested I spend the morning with them. It was actually pretty fun. I have a tendacy to take advantage of still having my grandparents around but I am trying to turn over a new leaf. I know life is fragile and my grandparents won't be here forever. So I accepted their request.

Now I was back home and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my day.

I was sitting on the couch watching some random show, nobody was home so the t.v in the living room was free. I heard someone knock on the door, groaning I got up to answer it. I seriously just got comfortable.

I opened the door and let out a gasp, "Charlie. What are you doing here?"