My family and I arrived back home the day after Christmas. My mom didn't give my phone back until we got home. I texted Lacey as soon as I got it back. I told her we needed to talk and she agreed. We also settled on a place to talk. Neither of us wanted to do this at our houses or at Tyson's so we agreed on a place either of us have been since the funeral.

"Are you sure this is the place to talk?" I ask Lacey, my voice sounding unsure.

Lacey lets out a shakey breath, "Totally."

We were standing outside of Kennedy Cemetery, the place where Emily was laid to rest. The only time Lacey and I have been here together was when we buried Emily. It was way to hard for us to be here together so we never came. I would also go by myself same as Lacey.

"Alright. Lets go." I say then open the gate. Lacey follows behind me. We use our flashlight app to guide us through the cemetery.

"This place is creepy enough during the day. Why did we decide to do this at six?" Lacey shivers in fear.

"Because we are idiots." I half joke.

We don't really say much on the journey to Emily's grave. It's hard to talk about casual stuff to your bestie when we are getting ready to talk about our other bestie who is no longer alive. If Lacey and I are going to face our fear then the graveyard was the best place to do it. This is where Emily is. Talking to each other near her will give us sense of comfort that she is here with us.

"We're here." Lacey comments. We shine our lights on the headstone. Her name, the beginning and end dates, that line in between the two dates and the quote Phillip chose.

In the clouds, I'll meet you again. Rest In Peace.

Phillip chose that quote because he and Emily used to spend countless days laying in their backyard looking at the clouds. He and Emily would try to make out the shapes.

"I guess we sit now." I mumble and sit criss cross on the ground after I've laid a blanket down. Lacey follows suit.

Emily Noel Foster Born: May 7th, 2001 - Died: December 24th, 2014

Beloved daughter, sister and bestie.

I can't help but breathe a laugh when I see the word bestie. Mrs.Foster suggested they put that on the headstone. Emily called us her besties, since day one. There is also an infinity symbol carved into the headstone. I remember Lacey and I asking Mr. and Mrs.Foster if we could pay to have one put on there. They loved the idea so they accepted.

I can't help but rub my right wrist where my bracelet used to be.

Lacey notices my action, "When do you get it back?"

"After new years. Dad said he would pick it up on the first." I tell her.

"Good." Lacey mumbles.

"I have no idea how to start. We are besties and at the moment we are acting like one of us slept with the others boyfriend. This is ridiculous." I blurt out.

A laugh bubbles from Lacey, "You are so right, Tay. Here we are in a graveyard at 6pm sitting right next to our other bestie who is no longer here."

I can't help but laugh as well. We knew our idea sounded crazy but we went along with it anyways.

"I miss her." I confess.

"Me too. So much." Lacey says. "Our parents want us to see a greif counselor."

I bite my lip, "I know."

"Should we go?" She asks.

I run a hand through my hair, "I think we should. Separating during this time isn't doing us any good anymore. The past few weeks all I've done is worry about you. There were so many times that I wanted to text or call you but I didn't." I admit.

"You aren't alone. I once asked Nick how you were and he said you weren't acting like yourself. I was so scared. Then when your mom told my mom that you were a mess all I wanted to do was give you a big hug." Lacey says.

"It's funny how we both knew we weren't okay." I say.

"We went through something very tragic. The only way for us to survive was to separate for a certain time period. I never want to lose you. That first year when we fought, I was so sure that I was going to lose another bestie. It hurt so much to think that. Hell, it hurt just to not be able to talk to you without worrying if we were going to fight." Lacey explains.

"I know Heather gave us that suggestion for a good reason, it worked. However, I think that we were so focused on us being the reason we lost Emily that we couldn't see past that. So we lashed out at one another. Fighting with you was the last thing I wanted to do on the first anniversary but we didn't know how to handle the situation." I add on.

"I hate not being able to be with you during this time. It seemed so much easier and it made sense. It's just...it isn't easy anymore and it doesn't make sense anymore. I need my bestie back, full time." Lacey says and I can tell her voice is cracking. Her green eyes are filled with unshed tears.

"I want my bestie back full time too." I say and put my arm around her shoulders.

"Do you think we are the reason she's gone?" Lacey asks quietly.

I sigh, "I used to. According to everyone else, they think we aren't. I guess it just made sense to us that we were the reason. We invited her to the party and we left her alone. My mom said even if we didn't leave her, those bitches would have gotten Emily another time."

"Yeah, I know. But we were her best friends, it was our job to protect her. We got caught up in our first real high school party and we left her alone. I mean we did respect her wish to give her space after the incident. Did we give her too much space?" Lacey questions.

I think about it for a minute. If we didn't give Emily space, would she still be with us? Or would she have done what she did anyway? Sometimes giving someone space is a good thing and sometimes it isn't. You can never really tell until its to late.

"I don't really know." I shrug.

"Maybe we will never know." Lacey suggests.

"Maybe." I whisper.

"You remember when we told her we wanted to try out for cheerleading?" Lacey asks.

"How could I forget." I smile.

"She was so happy for us. We were getting out of our comfort zones. She even came to our try out." Lacey laughs.

"She had a pom pom in one hand and a team flag in the other. Emily was always cheering us on from the stands. Every game there was, she was always there." I laugh and wipe away a stray tear.

"We may have been the cheerleaders but she was our own personal cheerleader." Lacey chuckles.

"She was the best." I say.

"That she was." Lacey agrees.

For the next few hours Lacey and I take turns telling stories about Emily. Stories from when the three of us were together or from when only one of us was with her because the other had other stuff going on.

It felt really good to be able to finally talk to Lacey about Emily. After her death we basically took all of the memories we had with Emily and locked them up in a box in the back of our minds. Its amazing how easy the boxes became unlocked after them not being opened for three years. Everyone always says Lacey and I are two of the people who keep the memory of Emily alive. I didn't believe them until tonight. With all of the memories Lacey and I have and the ones her parents and Phillip have, it's like she is right there with us.

"Did you ever tell Nick?" Lacey asks out of nowhere.

I nod, "Yep."

"And?" She pushes.

"And he was like everyone else. Supportive and right. He sat there holding my hand while I cried a river and told him everything." I tell her.

"What did you do after that?" Lacey asks with a tone. She knew me to well.

I wince at the memory, "I may have pushed him away."

Lacey gasps in horror, "Taylor Croft! You need to stop doing that." She scolds me like a child.

I groan in frustration, "I know, I know. I just couldn't help it. Nick was being all sweet and kind. It scared me that he wasn't freaking out over what I had told him. No guy wants a girl who is a sob story."

"Nick seems like a great guy. I'm sure you reading too much into it." Lacey advices.

"Oh, believe me, I am. I'm the one telling myself he won't want anything to do with me." I say.

"Why?" She asks.

"Because I am afraid I will be right. You're absolutely right, Nick is a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have him. And even though we kissed it doesn't-"

"You kissed!" Lacey gasps in shock.

"Did I not mention that?" I play dumb.

"No. No you didn't. How was it, the kiss?" She asks suddenly interested.

"So good. But I was also hammered. And he being a gentleman stopped the kiss. He didn't want to take advantage of my drunken state." I say as I feel a blush creep up my neck.

"Tsk. Girl, you are in deep. Em, can you believe our rock is this mushy over a guy?" Lacey giggles.

"Oh shut up." I roll my eyes.

"I know why you broke up with Johnny." Lacey says.

My ears perk up at that, "Really?"

"Mhm. I think I always knew but once I took the time to actually process it, it came to me. I was so pissed at myself for not seeing it right away." She sounds angry at herself.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." I apologize.

"You're sorry? Taylor, you have nothing to be sorry for. I am the one who should be apologizing. I tried to convince you to get back together with him. I should not have done that. I'm so sorry." Lacey says with a pout.

I can't help but laugh a little, "It's okay."

"Johnny can be a dick and being with him can change you. You were scared you would lose yourself and do something to someone that someone did to Emily. You stopped before it came to that point. I'm proud of you " She says with a smile.

Lacey got it right on the money. I broke up with Johny because I was so scared I was going to change who I was. I didn't want to become one of those girls whose life only revolved around their boyfriend. I also didn't want to become like those girls who bullied Emily and if I stayed with Johnny I knew that would happen. So I got out before I got so far in that I couldn't be saved.

"You wanna hear something?" Lacey asks.

"Sure." I shrug.

Lacey sighs, "After Emily's death I wanted to quit cheer. I even told our captain the first day back after break I was quitting."

"Seriously?" I raise a brow.

Lacey nods, "I told her that morning I was quitting. She told me to take the day to think about it. I did and the more I thought about the more I realized that Emily wouldn't want me to quit. She loved seeing us cheer, if I quit then she wouldn't be able to look down and see us cheer. That afternoon I told our captain I changed my mind." She confesses.

I blow out a breath, "Wow."

"I know." She says and runs her fingers through her blonde hair.

"I almost quit to." I admit.

"No way." Lacey says and her green eyes go wide.

"Yep. I walked in that morning all ready to quit but I changed my mine when I realized the exact same thing you did. And with me being a cheerleader I thought that maybe I could help some other girl who was like Emily. I hate to admit it but us cheerleaders have good connections. Especially now that we are close friends with Heather." I explain.

"I think Emily is proud of us. Don't you?" Lacey mentions.

"Definitely. I mean she might not approve of the way we've been dealing with her death but I think everything else we do, she's happy with." I say.

"So...are we going to do the walk?" Lacey brings up the other topic we were avoiding.

"I am. The Fosters need us there. It's a great cause." I say.

"I am too. We can do this for Emily and her family." Lacey agrees.

The walk we were referring to was something the Fosters organized. The walk was three miles around town and was supporting anti bullying. People who were participating got shirt and had the opportunity to donate money to the E.F Foundation. The money was going to all schools in the state so they could have a counselor if any kid needed to talk. It was a great cause and fairly new. There were flyers all over town and from what my parents had told me, several members of the community were participating.

"I think we also need to go see Mrs.Foster." Lacey admits.

"I think so too. If we can face these fears then we can face her." I say.

Lacey and I have been avoiding Mrs.Foster for a long time. Sure we have seen her out and about around town and have exchanged pleasantries but we haven't talked about Emily. The only person from.that family we have talked to is Phillip. He wasn't the easiest one to talk to, you could tell he was still having hard time like us.

I find myself rubbing my wrist where my bracelet usually sits, Lacey notices and gives me a sad look.

"I have an idea." An evil smile comes to her face.

"Okay." I say slowly.

"We gotta go. It is freezing." Lacey says instead of elaborating on her idea.

Lacey gets up and I sit there flabbergasted. The fuck?

"You going to tell me your idea?" I huff.

"Nope. I'm going to keep you hanging on the edge." She laughs.

"Lacey!" I groan.

"Look out for a text on New Years Eve." She says. And that is the last thing she says before getting into her car.

What on earth is going on in her head???