Don't Wanna Write This Song

Earth 36
Alexa's View

It's been 3 days since Y/n passed.

"Hello." I say answering the phone.

"Is this Alexa, uh Y/n's wife?" The man asks.

"Yeah." I say.

"Okay, this is John, the captain of the fire station." He says.

"I... I regret to inform you that Y/n has passed away." John says.

"What?" I ask.

"There was a fire in an apartment building. She ran back in to find a little boy — he came out but she did not." John says.

"We believe she was unconscious from all the smoke but the building collapsed before we could get to her. I'm sorry." John says as tears fill my eyes.

Y/n meant so much to me, I can't imagine my life without her. I took all her clothes and put them in bed beside me. It makes me think she's still here.

There's a dress in the closet, that I just can't throw away
I know it might sound crazy, but I haven't changed your pillowcase

We've been together for 14 years — married for 10 — now I'm just supposed to forget her?

A heart half full, or half empty
Is half gone either way, with you gone
What went wrong?

Part of me thought that I'd lose her at some point when we were younger.. I just didn't think it would be like this...

Maybe the hardest part
Is we didn't break this heart
Nobody cheated or lied

"We do discounts for first responders that passed in their line of duty." Daniel says.

"Okay." Tommy says.

"You can bring us whatever you want her to wear and we can get her dressed up. I understand you want a closed casket, right?" Daniel says.

"Yes." I say.

Half of Y/n's face was burned because she didn't have her helmet on when she ran back in. Not to mention the 102+ broken bones sustained from 12 floors; 60  furnished apartments crushing her to her death.

I've been all the funeral arrangements with her brother and for someone who came out the womb with her, he's handling it better than me.

I still have to live with goodbye
But how can I just move on?

"Just confirm these details and we'll get started with everything." Daniel says handing Tommy a piece of paper.

Tommy reads it and hands it to me.

"Looks good to me." I say.

"Okay, we can take payment now or later — whatever works for you." Daniel says.

"I can pay—" I say.

"I already wrote the check." Tommy says handing Daniel a check.

"You don't have to pay for it." I say.

"You shouldn't have to deal with this, I got it." Tommy says.

I nod and smile.

Time Skip

"We want to make sure you're pleased with her body before we burry her." Daniel says.

He puts his hand on the lid of casket and I nod. He opens the top half and I stare at Y/n.

"She looks really nice." I say  holding Y/n's hand.

I kiss Y/n's cheek and nod.

Daniel gently closes the casket and I sigh.

I'be been in love with Y/n since we were 17, now I have to bury her. I can do this — mentally or physically.

I've loved you for way too long
I don't want to admit that you're gone
I don't wanna write this song
Don't wanna write this song

12 hours later...

"Y/n's gone." I say.

"Y/n's gone!" I say.

I'm playin' all the black keys and cryin' out your name

I start crying and Zendaya hugs me tightly.

"Everything's gonna be okay." Zendaya says rubbing my back.

"No, it won't. I can't go on without her. I'll never love someone as much as I love her." I say.

I'm holdin' on, or lettin' go
It's gonna kill me either way
With you gone
Oh

Y/n and I were perfect. We were honest, we argued every blue moon. That's the worse part — there's no reason that we shouldn't still be together.

Maybe the hardest part
Is we didn't break this heart
Nobody cheated or lied

I'm forced to accept that I did everything right but I still lost her.

I still have to live with goodbye
But how can I just move on?
I've loved you for way too long

"She's gone..." I say.

I don't want to admit that you're gone
I don't wanna write this song
Don't wanna write this song

"Move your shit." Y/n says.

"What?" I ask.

"Move your fucking shit." Y/n says.

"What shit?" I ask.

Y/n points in the hair pin and I stare at her.

"Are you fucking serious?" I ask.

"You moved in my house, move your shit." Y/n says.

I pick the pin up and throw it at her.

Bobby pins on the dresser

"The plant is fucking dead." Y/n says.

"No, it's not." I say as Y/n pours coffee in a mug.

"Bitch, it's fucking brown!" Y/n says.

Y/n gently touches a leaf and it breaks off.

Wilted flowers in a vase

How am I supposed to move on without her snarky comments?

Time Skip

"Kinda hard to kiss with with all the balloons and flowers." Zendaya says as we walk down the path.

"All these flowers make mine look bad." I say putting the flowers down.

I left a rose on your headstone

"I don't think anyone gives a shit about me except you and Tommy. If I die today or tomorrow, there will be 5 people at my funeral." Y/n says.

"Don't say that." I say.

"Why not?" Y/n asks.

"Uhh—" I say.

I never quite know what to say

"Exactly." Y/n says.

"You didn't let me do finish." I say.

"Not true, you always finish before me." Y/n says.

"Fucking weirdo." I say as she laughs.

Y/n's View

"She's watching over you." Zendaya says.

Maybe the hardest part

"Knowing the sneaky shit she did? She primal looking up at me." Alexa says.

Is we didn't break this heart

They laugh and I roll my eyes.

Nobody cheated or lied

I wish I had dime something differently.

I still have to live with goodbye

"I think we got everyone out." John says as I take my helmet off.

"My boy is still in there." Someone says.

"Ma'am you can't go back in there. That building could collapse any second." John says stopping the woman.

I see someone looking out the second floor window and I gulp.

"Y/l/n!" John shouts and I run back inside.

I run up the stairs and kick the door in.

The boy runs to me and I carry him down the stairs. I hear something creak and I throw him out the door.

I hear a crack and I look up.

"Y/l/n—" John shouts.

I watch Alexa all day, every day.

But how can I just move on?

I had my eyes on her for 15 year, why would I take them off her now.

I've loved you for way too long

I feel selfless for going back in there for that kid. I also feel selfish for doing that when I had a wife I had to return to.

I don't want to admit that you're gone

I did nearly that same thing almost everyday for 11 years but I couldn't pull though this one.

I don't wanna write this song

Maybe it was just my time to go.

No, don't wanna write this song

I'll be watching over Alexa for the next 50, 60 years — until she makes it here.

I don't wanna write this song

I hope she knows that.

Mmm, don't wanna write this song, whoa

1300 Words

Hurricane Ian bout to fuck us up

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