Lauren ran a hand through her long hair and sighed. She was caught up with some off her students who had stayed back after class to talk to her about the upcoming test they had but was now late to pick up Camila.
"Can we know what the essay question is going to be?" One girl asked hopefully.
"Wouldn't be much of a test then, would it?" Lauren chuckled. "Look, I'm late to pick up my kid, but I'm sure you're all going to do well," Lauren reassured them.
"Miss, you have a kid?" Another student questioned in surprise.
"Got to go," Lauren smiled, escaping the situation as she ushered the students out of her classroom, grabbing her handbag and turning off the lights.
"What's their name?"
"How old is your baby, miss?"
Lauren didn't reply, walking in the direction of the year ten classrooms. She felt a pang of guilt as she looked in through the window of the door to see Camila sat at her desk, the last child left. She was about to open the door when she noticed a series of colourful drawings on the wall. She scoured the wall for the piece with Camila's name on it, quickly locating it at the bottom corner. She frowned at the stark ability difference between Camila's childish crayon drawing of a banana compared to the still life drawings of the other students. She drew her eyes away, pushing the classroom door open.
"LoLo!" Camila squealed, running over and hugging Lauren.
"Hi, angel," Lauren reciprocated the hug. "I'm so sorry I'm late," she said, helping Camila into her coat.
"You've had a really good day, haven't you, Camila?" Miss Epseley said, handing her her book-bag.
"Up," Camila instructed, reaching for Lauren.
"You can walk, little Miss," Lauren laughed. "Say goodbye."
"Bye," Camila waved to Miss Epseley as they walked out. "Now carry me, little Miss," Camila smiled mischievously, giggling as Lauren feigned a dramatic gasp.
"Alright," Lauren gave in, bending down and opening her arms for Camila and standing up once she was safely in her arms.
"Good girl," Camila giggled, swinging her legs happily.
"Feeling sassy, are we?" Lauren smiled. "Doll, did you have an accident?" Lauren asked, feeling the heaviness of Camila's padding. The potty training hadn't been going well since the incident with Serena, which wasn't surprising to Lauren seeing as Camila's mother had responded so negatively to Camila's effort. "It's okay," Lauren sighed. "Let's just clean you up in the car."
"I didn't have an accident," Camila whined, burying her face in Lauren's chest.
"It's okay, baby," Lauren promised as they walked out of the school building. Camila pushed her thumb into her mouth as thoughts of her Mummy came flooding back.
"Aw, your little girl looks just like her Mummy," an older lady said to Lauren with a smile.
"Uh, thank you," Lauren smiled, unsure of how to respond. Correcting her seemed like something that would do more harm than good. "Okay, Camz, I need you to be a big girl for me," Lauren said as they reached her car. "I'm going to lay you down in the backseat," she said, opening the car door and putting down the child in her arms. "No, Camz," Lauren sighed as Camila immediately wriggled off of the seat.
"Not wet," Camila insisted.
"Mila, I'm counting to three," Lauren said. "One...Two..,"
Camila burst into tears.
"Just lie down, doll," Lauren sighed sympathetically, reaching for Camila and putting her back on the seat.
"Okay," Camila whispered, lying on her back and lifting her skirt up for Lauren.
"You're being such a good little helper for me," Lauren praised as she took off the very wet diaper Camila was wearing. "It's so much easier now that its warm enough for you to wear socks instead of tights, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Camila agreed, wiping away her tears.
"Darling, if you're having more accidents maybe it's time to let Miss Epseley start changing you, hmm?" Lauren asked.
"No, I only want you changing me."
"I know, baby," Lauren sighed. "Just an idea."
"Can I sit in the front seat?" Camila asked as Lauren finished changing her and pulled her skirt back down.
"You know you can't," Lauren said before getting out and walking around to the other side so she could help buckle Camila in.
"Can we have quiet time when we get home?" Camila asked as Lauren helped her into her carseat.
"Of course," Lauren nodded, slightly confused because Camila had never asked for quiet time herself before; it was usually something Lauren made her have when she was wound up. "Are you feeling overwhelmed?"
Camila shook her head.
Twenty minutes later when they got home, Camila was fast asleep in her carseat.
"Oh, my angel," Lauren whispered as she opened the car door. "I know," she hummed as Camila whined while Lauren picked her up. "It's okay," she whispered, stroking Camila's back. "You're going to give me a hickey some day," Lauren joked as Camila latched her lips onto Lauren's shoulder, suckling contently.
"What's a hickey?" Camila murmured sleepily.
"Close those pretty eyes for me," Lauren said, avoiding the question as she carried Camila in.
"Quiet time?" Camila asked.
"I think its nap time, sweetheart," Lauren said softly.
"Nap time with you?"
"I'll sit with you," Lauren nodded.
"An' take your top off?" Camila yawned.
"What?" Lauren asked, stopping dead in her tracks.
"Off," Camila tugged sharply at Lauren's top.
"Hey, shh," Lauren soothed, readjusting her top. "Do you need your baba?"
"Just you," Camila said.
"I'm right here," Lauren promised as she walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa, carefully cradling Camila.
"Off mama," Camila murmured, half asleep as she tugged at Lauren's top.
"What did you say?" Lauren asked, taken aback.
"Off," Camila whined, getting impatient.
"Okay, okay," Lauren said, taking off her top but leaving her bra on. "What did you call me?"
Camila didn't reply, busy trying to navigate the sharp frame of Lauren's bra, eventually managing to push it off of Lauren's breasts. She rested her head on the soft, rounded body part, reaching over with her hand to touch Lauren's nipple out of curiosity, brushing her fingers over it.
"Honey," Lauren said, not sure of what to do. She knew that putting her bra back on would appear as rejection to Camila, but the situation was an uncomfortable one and she wasn't exactly sure what was happening. "Are you trying to tell me you need your paci?" Lauren finally asked.
"Nooo," Camila whined, bursting into tears.
"Shh, nena," Lauren whispered, deciding it was time to take charge of the situation. She put Camila down, allowing her to cry as she put her bra back on, before standing up with her in her arms. "You need to be a big girl and use your words," Lauren encouraged. "Tell me why you want me to take my top off."
"Y-you let Dinah," Camila sobbed.
"I have a bit of a different relationship with Dinah though, don't I?" Lauren tried to explain.
"Dinah's not your baby," Camila argued.
"No, she's my girlfriend," Lauren said slowly, unsure of where the conversation was going.
"Mila is your baby," she insisted. "I'm your baby so I get your mum-mum."
Lauren furrowed her eyebrows before it suddenly clicked.
"You want to be breastfed, Camz? Is that it?" Lauren asked, rubbing Camila's back soothingly. "Camila, I can't- I mean you're too old to need...," she trailed off, not knowing what to say. "If you need something then you have to tell me about it because otherwise I won't know," Lauren sighed.
"Stop," Camila whined, sobbing.
"Okay, it's nap time," Lauren decided, bouncing Camila in her arms when she started crying even louder. She carried her up the stairs and to her bedroom, despite the fact that Camila was getting more and more distressed. It was times like these when she really regretted not having a crib for Camila.
"NO!" Camila shouted as Lauren carried her into her room.
"Camila, you are going to stay in your room for your nap," Lauren said strictly, putting Camila down on her bed. "Are you going to let me tuck you in? No? Okay, I'm going downstairs."
"Mama," Camila sobbed, climbing out of bed and following Lauren out of the room.
"Camila, what did I just say?" Lauren snapped.
"I wanna stay wi' you," Camila shouted angrily.
Lauren heard the sound of the front door and silently cursed Dinah's bad timing.
"MAMA I WANT YOU!" Camila screamed, grabbing Lauren's arms aggressively.
"Camila, stop it," Lauren scolded.
"Lauren?" Dinah's voice came.
"We need a crib," Lauren sighed the moment she saw Dinah appearing up the stairs. "Camila, I'm doing this with you one last time," Lauren said, picking Camila up and carrying her back into her room while she screamed.
"Where's your top?" Dinah asked, following Lauren into Camila's room.
"NO!" Camila shouted, getting up once again.
"Lauren, what the fuck's wrong with you?" Dinah asked in confusion, picking Camila up to give her the attention she so desperately needed. "Shhh," she copied how she had heard Lauren calming Camila down before. Camila kept struggling; she wanted Lauren.
"D, I can't give her what she wants," Lauren said in exasperation.
"Well, what does she want?"
"Uh," Lauren crossed her arms. "My breasts."
"For fuck's sake, Lauren," Dinah sighed. "Sit down on the bed."
"I don't know how to, D, and I obviously don't have milk," Lauren muttered.
"Camila, don't bite me," Dinah said casually, staying surprisingly calm while Camila bit on her finger, more in a teething way than an aggressive or angry way. "Lo, take your bra off."
"D, are you sure this is a good idea?"
"Yes," Dinah said confidently as Lauren pulled off her bra. She sat down on the bed, carefully handing Camila to Lauren. "Mila, take a deep breath," she said, hoping Camila's breathing would even out.
"I got you," Lauren whispered, suddenly feeling a lot calmer as she cradled Camila.
"Just let her," Dinah told Lauren as Camila rested her hand on Lauren's breast, her lips parted in anticipation.
"D, even if I could he's too old for-," Lauren cut herself off when she felt something wet on her chest. She looked down to see Camila trying to latch on, missing her nipple but suckling on the side of her areola instead.
"She'll go to sleep, it's fine," Dinah said, reaching over to gently lift Camila's head to adjust her latch. "There you go," she smiled as Camila's mouth reached Lauren's nipple and she started suckling faster, more content now.
Lauren was speechless. Why was Dinah encouraging this? Camila had never hinted to wanting to be breastfed, had she?
"Darling, don't you want your baba?" Lauren asked, patting Camila's bottom. "I don't have any milk."
"Mama," Camila mumbled sleepily around Lauren's breast.
"What did she say?" Dinah perked up, earning herself a stern look from Lauren as Camila whined at the disruption.
"Shh, angel, go to sleep," Lauren soothed. "Everything's okay, you can go to sleep."
******